Bullet Points: Night of the Archer
I always heard that the world of international high stakes archery is filled with intrigue, murder and eroticism and my response was always the same, bullshit. Notice that use of the past tense was because my response has now changed to damn skippy. What changed? I saw a little movie called Night of the Archer. This 1994 movie combines everything everyone always told me about international high stakes archery and now I have some Bullet Points to open your eyes.
- Bows and Arrows – When a movie opens with two men in leather jackets fighting in a hallway it can’t be bad. Of course the lighting is as dark as the leather jackets so maybe I am wrong. One of the men is Travis (Jeff Griggs) and he is being pursued by Oscar (Robert Miano) because Travis owes 50K and slept with Oscar’s wife, although Oscar really is only upset with the money part.
- Shoot That Poison Arrow to My Heart – Night of the Archer goes with the action early and then hits us right in the face with a murder mystery intrigue as we meet a wealthy family with lots of problems living in a castle. Reggie (Joseph Bologna) married the Countess Victoria (Barbara Carrera) for her money as they clearly hate each other. Reggie is a good father figure to his step-daughter Isabelle (Avital Dicker) , a world-class archer. As an aside, is there a better name for an actress in an erotic action movie than Avital Dicker, especially if you pronounce her first name as a vital.
- Bullseye – Color me shocked when Travis turns up as he somehow heard there is a high stakes archery tourney that is supposed to be happening at the castle with a 50K prize. Did I mention that during the hallway fight at the beginning, Travis gets knocked into the apartment of a woman… a woman that happens to be Katherine (Leslie Hardy) the daughter of Reggie. What a small world. Isabelle is instantly smitten with the bad boy Travis and you can see where that is going. Of course, Katherine has a dislike for Travis due to the apartment fiasco and you can see where that is going.
- Broken Arrow – Reggie ends up dead by way of arrow and the murderer has to be Travis, right? Hold on, there is a long list of suspects. Victoria hates her husband and is upset that he is trying to sell the castle which is from her family. Victoria has a friend, Marla (Sandahl Bergman) that also hates Victoria but it is more because there is an implied lesbian relationship with Victoria which for some reason was too far for a movie in 1994? Isabelle is also upset with Reggie because the castle is her Camelot and the news of the sale is heartbreaking. There is also Reggie’s secretary/mistress Valerie (Shellye Broughton) who is upset with Reggie because he won’t leave his wife and marry her. I am glad the interracial love affair was not too taboo for Night of the Archer. On the plus side, nobody is really upset about Reggie being gone, except for Katherine.
- Follow Your Arrow – For those of you missing Robert Miano, fear not, Oscar somehow finds Travis and has plans to murder him until Travis lets Oscar know about the large fortune that dead Reggie has hidden in the castle. A fortune that everyone wants to get their greedy little hands on and therefore not ruling anyone out as a suspect. Who is the murder?!?! I need to know!
- Straight Arrow – There are more murders and Katherine is convinced that Travis is the murderer which guarantees that he is not. I think I know who the murder is… wait that person just died also. Damn you, Night of the Archer! The intrigue has gotten me and the action has returned for the finale and hold the phone one more stinking time. Night of the Archer just went with the twist on the twist ending!
I am glad that I watched Night of the Archer, not only because it proves all those people right but because I was entertained. I will have to let you know that it is light on the action and eroticism if you were looking for either of those, but the characters are compelling and easy to either like or hate and there was legitimate intrigue and suspense. One thing you don’t have to be in suspense about is the Night of the Archer Bullet Points ending with some Night of the Archer Bonus Bullet Points.
- Also Known As – You might find Night of the Archer as Don’t Hurt Me! I am not excited about it, the exclamation point is in the title.
- Reggie’s Bug Quotes – Reggie was long for Night of the Archer but he has some memorable entomological quotes. “She can hit a gnat’s ass at 50 yards.” “A bug farts, the alarm goes off.”
- She’s a Firecracker – I thought Firecracker had the most unique clothes cutting off with a knife scene, but after seeing Isabelle with a straight razor I could only think of one word doubled. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.
- Recession Proof Business Idea – A whorehouse with a golf course.
- Racist Reason for the Recession Proof Business Idea – The Japanese will love you.
