Bullet Points: The Super Ninja

Earlier this year I started my journey into the filmography of Alexander Lo Rei when I watched and reviewed Ninja in the USA.

I knew I needed more of Alexander Lo Rei’s ninja exploits in my life and after consulting with ninja expert Keith Rainville, from VintageNinja.net, he helped narrow down my choices for the next step in my journey and the first movie on his recommendation list was 1984’s The Super Ninja…

• You Want It, You Got It: The Super Ninja wastes absolutely no time giving the audience some ninja action as we see a white clad ninja dealing with an army of black clad ninjas that are hiding in the water, hiding in the trees, hiding in the leaves. When a shuriken comes flying his way, the white ninja deflects it with his sword! It turns out that this whole segment that played under the opening credits was a test for the white ninja, who unmasks to reveal Alexander Lo Rei himself (or Alexander Lou as he is credited). It was obviously a test that the white ninja passed because the Master rewards him with a pair of sais.
• Bad Boys: The movie then jumps to Alexander Lo Rei who plays a cop named John, along with his partner Spencer (Eugene Thomas, Ninja vs. Mafia) saving a woman who was being molested by a group of toughs. Even with the odds stacked against them, John and Spencer take out the trash… John even uses one of the guys nunchaku against him… if you are keeping score at home all three of my favorite ninja weapons have already been featured in just a scant few minutes of the movie. You would think saving a damsel in distress from potential rape would be commended by their boss, referred to as The Commander, but that’s not the case… it turns out that one of the molesters (possibly named Chester) is the son of a United States Senator and The Commander is pissed. The Commander proceeds to make some racially insensitive remarks to John and Spencer before dismissing him from his office.

• Take Five: It is time for some more ninja action and this is where the movie introduces the Five Element Ninjas into the equation. They show up and take care of some criminal underworld types in the dark of night. I am not sure who was caught more off guard here, me or the guys in the movie who became the victims of the five ninjas! Where did these ninjas come from? Are they good guys? Are they bad guys? What was their beef with the guys they killed? What is going on?
• Let’s Get Physical: Before I got any of those answers, the movie cuts to a John workout montage that include close ups of Alexander Lo Rei’s glistening physique and John incorporating a skateboard into his routine as a way to work his core. John’s training is interrupted when The Commander and some cops shows up to arrest John for dealing drugs. The cops tear apart John’s place and one of them finds some drugs taped under the lid of John’s toilet tank. John exclaims he has been set up, The Commander doesn’t give a shit and they haul John’s ass down to the precinct.

• Torture: We find out that John has a girlfriend named Nancy. When Nancy finds out that John has been arrested on a bullshit drug charge, she turns to her family, hoping her father, Professor Chan, will have some advice for her… he does not. Nancy’s brother David hears the news and he’s ready for a fight, but Professor Chan calms him down. Nancy decides she is going to go down to the precinct to see if they’ll let her speak to John… While all that was going on John found himself the victim of some extreme interrogation techniques that included beating his shins, a chain around his neck and electrocution, but John refused to confess to a crime he did not commit. During the torture scenes we also get some flashback scenes to John’s ninja training to help explain how he is able to survive the torture he is being put through.
• Girlfriend: When The Commander finds out Nancy has arrived to see John, he brings her in the room and tells her the only way she’ll let him have a moment to talk to John is if he can search her “all over”. So now you have the pervy Commander getting super handsy with Nancy right in front of John… it is a grotesque display. After that visit, Nancy is traumatized, and when she returns home to tell her father and brother what happened, David gets pissed and storms off.

• Breakout: John manages to break out of his cell and fight off the entire police force because he is a ninja. We learn that the Five Element Ninjas are working for a mysterious man named Mr. Tong. Tong has all sorts of nefarious plans but at the top of the list is getting a secret formula that Professor Chan has been working on. Tong was wise enough to know John could be a problem in him getting the formula, which is why he had the drugs planted at John’s house and why he has the insurance of five ninjas to John’s one in the event that John was able to escape… which he did, so a solid Plan B for Mr. Tong. The Five Element Ninjas do catch up with John at a lumberyard and things don’t go well for John after a pretty awesome fight scene.
• Dead Man’s Party: Nancy presumes John died at the hands of the Five Element Ninjas so she makes the decision to return to Hong Kong (with her father’s formula)… that means Mr. Tong and the Five Element Ninjas are going to Hong Kong too… But John didn’t die in the lumberyard so that means all roads lead to Hong Kong, where John hopes to rescue Nancy and keep the Professor’s formula out of evil hands. What follows are two betrayals, multiple ninja battles and one unlicensed song after the other to wrap up 85 minutes of pure ninja joy!

I want to thank Keith for the recommendation, I want to thank The Super Ninja for being a super movie and I want to thank Alexander Lo Rei for being awesome. Is it possible to not enjoy yourself while watching an Alexander Lo Rei movie? I suppose if you sat down and were foolishly expecting logic, continuity, high brow content and production values, but if you were expecting crazy ass ninja action (and I was) there is no way you could be disappointed.

I am giving The Super Ninja four out of five shuriken. And I am giving you some Bonus Bullet Points…

• Name That Tune: I mentioned the unlicensed music earlier and I heard some familiar tunes from Death Wish 2 and Star Wars. I also heard music that I wasn’t familiar with, but knew they had to steal it from somewhere and thanks to Shazam I know it was the work of Giorgio Moroder and the Cat People soundtrack.
• Bastard Count: I counted at least three “bastards” in The Super Ninja.
• Worst Pep Talk Ever: When John first learns about the Five Element Ninjas, he goes to his Master (Jack Long) for wisdom. The Master proceeds to tell John that he doesn’t stand a chance and that the Five Element Ninjas will kill him.
• If You Ever: …wanted to see a water skiing ninja throw a shuriken, then The Super Ninja is the movie for you.