Bullet Points: Christmas Twister
Tornado season in Texas normally runs from April through June, but as we all know the weather doesn’t always play by the rules and tornados can strike at anytime… including December.
Since 1950, there have been 13 Decembers that have had tornadic activity in Texas with the most recent being 2022.
Back in 2012, December tornadoes were a major plot point in the made for TV movie, Christmas Twister starring Casper Van Dien…
- Deep in the Heart of Texas: ‘Twas a few nights before Christmas when Ethan Walker (Casper Van Dien, Salvage Marines) and his wife Addison were awoke by the sounds of their cell phones ringing. News of a tornado touching down in a small Texas town had reached them… Ethan, a professor/meteorologist, needs to get to his lab at the university ASAP… Addison, a news anchor, has to get to the television studio ASAP to report on this breaking story. Aside from both having jobs that could wake them up in the middle of the night, we also learn that Ethan and Addison’s marriage has hit a rough patch and part of the problem is some dude named Logan.
- Climate Change Crusader: Another part of the problem is Ethan himself. The Walkers were forced to move to small town Texas after a climate change theory Ethan presented while the family was living in Chicago, turned out to be false and Ethan’s reputation took a major hit. Undeterred, Ethan continued his study of global warming and climate change in Texas and now thanks to his updated computer models accounting for an overall rise in temperatures, he knows more tornados are coming… he quickly calls Addison to tell her to have her station get the word out and warn everyone… but the station’s chief meteorologist Logan (Richard Burgi, The Sentinel) and his outdated computer models are saying things are clearing up!
- Fool Me Once: Addison remembering the Chicago incident is hesitant to believe her husband at first, especially since he is not the biggest Logan fan in the world (he calls him an idiot at one point). It only takes another tornado for Addison to get on board with Ethan, she is fighting the fight to get the information out to the viewing audience, while Ethan is going to pick up their kids from school. He gets his son Max from middle school, but he is not going to find his daughter Kaitlyn at the high school… she is playing hooky at the mall with plans of meeting her crush. To the mall!!!
- A Cyclone of Savings: Can you guess where the next tornado is heading? If you said the mall you would be correct. And it is at the mall where Kaitlyn witnesses her crush Brian being sucked up into the tornado after Brian is unable to gain access to the mall and instead of opening the door for him that is a mere few feet away, Kaitlyn says “somebody open the door” …which reminded me of a scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm. Kaitlyn does get to redeem herself when she rescues a daughter who was separated from her mother… in fact every member of the Walker family gets in on the saving people from shit that fell on top of them because of a tornado action. The family that saves together, stays together!
- One More Time: There’s one last tornado to deal with and this one is an F6!! Now I am no weather expert, but if there’s one thing I do know about it is professional wrestling and I know that Brock Lesnar utlizes the F5 as his finisher and that is one devastating maneuver, so I can ascertain that an F6 is not a good thing and not something you would want anyone to endure… well almost anyone, when the pompous Logan decides he is going to go out in the field and report on this historic tornado, you know it is a bad idea, but since his character did nothing but build up ill will all movie long… I was ready for him to be silenced in a most definitive fashion.
Christmas Twister had so many ridiculous moments that I could not help but be entertained… the mall Christmas carolers who were so dedicated to their jobs that they kept singing even as they saw the end of the world sky above them… the storm chasers who watch an entire train get derailed, only to get derailed themselves… the dad at the beginning who was apparently stronger than a tornado as he was able to hold the shelter door closed… I enjoyed these elements but recognize that these are the types of things that would likely make a lot of viewers cringe. For me the cringiest part of the entire movie was the excessive PDA at the end of the film when Ethan and Addison get past their rough patch and are so in love that they are making out in front of their kids.
With that said, can I publicly display my affection for some Bonus Bullet Points?
- AKA: Christmas Twister is also known as the less jolly F6 Twister. F6 Twister is the name that appeared in the opening credits on Freevee, despite Freevee using the Christmas Twister artwork. According to IMDb, the version with Christmas Twister as the title in the opening credits has a typo and it actually reads “Christams Twister”. They must have had the Bulletproof Action proofreaders working for them that day.
- Familiar Face: Steven Williams of L.A. Heat and Missing in Action 2 fame played Terry, the director at the television station.
- Weather Joke: I wonder if Trent Magill has heard this one… How’s Christmas like tornado season? You get a tree in your living room.
