Bullet Points: Turf War
Fat Joe was born Joseph Cartagena and started using the moniker Fat Joe in the early 1990s. Fat Joe is not a nickname you could call someone today for the fear of getting canceled. Body shaming is not a good thing (neither are the health problems and drain on the healthcare industry due to being overweight) and in today’s world Fat Joe would probably just be Joe. Since Fat Joe has had such a long music career that started before any canceling issues it was only a matter of time until he dipped his toes into the movie waters, and one such film is the action thriller Turf War.
- Unlikeable Opening – Turf War opens with drug dealing, deaths by overdosing, rape and bikers. Turf War is really trying to get me to not like the movie. There is a war in New York City between bikers and drug dealers and when you sprinkle in some dirty cops and postal employees you have yourself the start of a movie. Our hero is Det. Manny Rodriguez (Alex Maisonette) and it is his personal mission to stop the war.
- Time Jump – The opening scene that features the drug use, deaths and rape, sees a supposedly 17 year old girl getting raped by two drug dealers as her parents die from the drugs. The girl grows up to become Lady Rider (Veronica Ramos) who we see later when the time jumps forward 10 years. Of course Lady Rider looks exactly the same as she did supposedly 10 years ago. In fact the bikers who rape her wear the exact same outfits the entire movie. The 10 year time jump wasn’t the only time jump as there were several others, but none of them stop the characters from wearing the same exact outfits.
- Smart Business – There are dirty cops who are killing drug dealers and framing bikers in service of crime lord Flash (Fat Joe). It is a pretty smart move to both eliminate the competition and put the police on the trail of the bikers. The two raping drug dealers work for Old Timer Dave, head of one of the gangs Flash is trying to get rid of and they have been continuing to rape, presumably for 10 years. Manny is one the case, which is made worse when one of the dirty cops, a cop who Manny has bad history with, is transferred in.
- Flash Joe – We hear a lot about Flash and hear his voice but we don’t get to see a lot of Fat Joe. At least with other characters. The majority of Flash is shot from behind while wearing a hoodie. Now the skeptical of you might think that it wasn’t really Fat Joe in many of those scenes, and considering in one scene Flash from behind is wearing different pants than the Flash from the front, I might agree with you. Honestly, I don’t care because once you hear Fat Joe’s voice it instantly brings credibility to Turf War.
- Kitchen Sink – Turf War keeps adding characters and plot lines and it all starts to get muddled. When the post office and inspectors started getting involved I started to wonder how the movie was going to get resolved. When Lady Rider returns to get revenge on her assailants I was excited because of the vengeance but didn’t see the connection to the Flash storyline that took over. The ending is really anticlimactic with many of the storylines not getting resolved. That is until I watched the credits which plays a trailer for part 2, Checkmate. What a kick in the seat!
Turf War had lots of good ideas. In fact it had too many good ideas and many should have been taken out. Fat Joe gets top billing and even though he might not be the main character, he is the star. Any scene with Fat Joe (or fake Fat Joe) is to the betterment of Turf War. The production value of Turf War is not high, with many repeated sets and costumes, but at least there are a lot of practical sets. The gunshot sound and muzzle blast effects may be some of the worst you will see, but not everyone can work with Marvel money. If you are a fan of Fat Joe you might want to check out Turf War (and I suppose Checkmate) and for everyone else you might want to check out these Turf War Bonus Bullet Points.
- Also Known As – You might find Turf War as Lady Rider
- Triple Duty – Alex Maisonette not only starred as Manny, he also wrote and directed Turf War.
- Best Death – Car lift crush, although we only hear it and see the aftermath was easily the best kill. I can still hear the puny screams of the victim.
- Lenny G – Next to Flash, my favorite character is Lenny G, the news reporter for New News Today. No, that is not a typo, it is called News News Today, but with Lenny G’s soothing voice it doesn’t sound stupid at all.
- Lean Back – I was disappointed not to hear the Terror Squad song “Lean Back.” While I am a fan, I can’t say that I am as big of a fan as Bruce Willis.
