Bullet Points: Young Warriors
As a physical media collector, I pride myself on knowing when to draw the line, especially with all the tempting options that the boutique labels are always churning out. I don’t feel the need to own everything and I am not afraid to purge my collection a few times a year to find better homes for titles I know I am likely never going to watch again.
But after recently rewatching 1983’s Young Warriors for the first time in many years, I really regretted my decision to not pick up the Blu-ray that Severin Films put out a few years back. My rewatch instead was done the same way my first time watch was done… via a VHS rip on YouTube. The reason I regret not buying the Blu-ray is because of the poor quality of the VHS rips I have seen (a classic “you get what you pay for” moment). The movie is so dark and I am not just talking about the content… it is literally dark, almost all of the time, and I am really curious if that problem was cleared up on the Blu-ray release or not…
- These Are The Graduates of Malibu High: Young Warriors gets the party started with a jaunty little 80s tune and some knees down shots of a couple getting dressed on the beach. I guess it makes sense, they wouldn’t want to show up at their high school graduation stark naked… that would cause a scene… “unlike” what actually happens when Kevin Carrigan (James Van Patten) rides his motorcycle up one side of the outdoor graduation stage and down the other, grabbing his diploma in between.
- Three Years Later: We go from Malibu High to Pacific Coast College, where our rebel without a cause Kevin is now bitching about his frat brothers and their tomfoolery, like shutting off alarm clocks with baseball bats and exposing Ginger (Linnea Quigley), the “overnight guest” of one of the brothers, forcing Ginger to do a run of shame completely naked. Now before you go thinking that Kevin has turned into some sort of bookworm or obsessive artist (Kevin is an animator), I should let you know Kevin has big plans for that evening. It is Initiation Night and Kevin has some plans for those who dare pledge his fraternity. Kevin also has cooked up a huge prank that will be the prank of all pranks. But first… he has to go home and get his laundry.
- The Apple Fell Quite a Long Ways From the Tree: Kevin’s father is Lt. Bob Carrigan (Ernest Borgnine, Airwolf), a homicide detective… a real by the book kind of guy, nothing like Kevin. When Kevin stops to pick up his laundry his father is sitting down to dinner with Kevin’s mom, Beverly (Lynda Day George, Pieces), and Sgt. John Austin (Richard Roundtree, Ballistic), Bob’s new partner in the homicide division. Kevin does a quick catch up, but can’t help but wonder where his sister Tiffany is… that’s when Kevin’s mom reminds him that Tiffany’s getting ready for the prom! So Kevin goes upstairs to talk to Tiffany through the bathroom door… Kevin is bumfuzzled why his “prude” of a sister won’t let him in despite the fact that she clearly told him she was fresh out of the shower and not decent. After giving her a “big brother” message to relay to her date, Kevin is back to the frat house so he can tie bricks to some pledge’s dicks, make another pledge pick up an olive with his ass cheeks (after it was shaved) and of course the prank of all pranks, stealing a car and then driving it into a lake. At this point I was saying to myself, I recalled Young Warriors being an action movie.
- Prom Night: We cut to Tiffany’s prom night and everything is not alright… Tiffany asks her date Roger (played by Nels Van Patten, brother of James) to take her home since she has to be up early the next day. Roger decides to take the scenic route home and that puts the young couple on a dark, desolate road with a van full of murdering rapists. The van forces Roger’s car off the road into a gulley, Tiffany manages to crawl away from the wreckage but Roger does not… moments later the car explodes. Turns out Tiffany was not the lucky one in that scenario, the guys hop out of their van and focus their attention on her… stripping her, holding her down and raping her… Tiffany ends up in a coma, but it is one that she never comes out of. Tiffany’s death hits Kevin hard and his downward spiral begins…
- A Vigilante is Born: Frustrated that his homicide detective father is not doing enough to find the bastards who murdered Tiffany, Kevin rallies his boys to begin a little independent investigation. At first it is just looking for clues at the gulley, then when they find a clue following up on it (instead of pointing it out to his detective dad). Next thing you know Kevin and company are fancying themselves SoCal’s answer to The Guardian Angels, and expanding their scope to all crime. Then they eventually arm themselves and then Kevin is shooting up kids trying to rob a convenient store. Things go down hill fast for Kevin and his friends and by the end it is clear the vigilante life is not for him.
In some ways Young Warriors is as Cannon as it could get. Who else would be daring enough to mash up Animal House with Death Wish? But the end of the movie was about as far away from Cannon as you could get, which is why it isn’t one of those Cannon classics I find myself watching over and over and over again and I probably wouldn’t even if I had it on shiny Blu.
So now that I think about it, I did make the right call in not picking up the Young Warriors Blu-ray and I am retracting my regrets from earlier. You should make the right call and read these Bonus Bullet Points…
- Reunited: James Van Patten and Ernest Borgnine would work together again in the 1987 TV movie, The Dirty Dozen: The Deadly Mission.
- Familiar Face: Mike Norris played Fred, one of Kevin’s frat brothers. Mike would go on to have larger roles in movies like Death Ring and Survival Game. It is interesting that Chuck Norris’ son actually worked for Cannon before Chuck himself.
- Masturbatory Quote: “If you haven’t got a direction, you’re just playing with yourself”
- Sexual Healing: After Kevin flips out in class and then later breaks down after showing his friends his latest animation project, it’s Lucy (Anne Lockhart, Troll) to the rescue. Lucy beds Kevin and the sex must have been so good that Kevin could think clearly the next day… and by clearly, I mean that’s when Kevin and his friends really go all in on becoming vigilante crime fighters.
- Music By: Rob Walsh wrote the “Young Warriors” theme song, but in my opinion his best work came later that year when he composed the score for Revenge of the Ninja.
