Bullet Points: Savage Beach
When I think of summertime I think of hitting the beach. Of course, that beach usually doesn’t have a long stranded Japanese soldier or girls with guns. Only one of those I would want to see on a beach in real life, but movies are a whole different ball game. Savage Beach has both and is much better for it. Let’s take a look at some Bullet Points for the 1989 film Savage Beach…
- Girls With Guns – Dona and Taryn (Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton, both from Picasso Trigger) are DEA agents working undercover on the Hawaiian island of Molokai. We get treated to an opening drug bust with their fellow agents Rocky and Patty that features the classic Hawaiian drug smuggling tactic of hiding the drugs in pineapples. The opening is a good way to enjoy a shootout with mopeds, uzis and exploding vans. And like all DEA agents, the four women relax in a hot tub afterwards.
- Drug Run – Dona and Taryn’s next mission is to fly some drugs, in this case it is medicine needed for children on a remote Pacific island. Things on the mission go sideways, but not until after the medicine is delivered so don’t worry about the children. Dona and Taryn crash on a deserted island, or at least they think it is deserted but we will soon learn that is not the case and there will be others joining Dona and Taryn.
- Filipino Gold – Meanwhile, back stateside, Martinez (Rodrigo Obregon, L.A. Wars) is some sort of Filipino diplomat or maybe an attaché who is working with the U.S. Navy to discover the location of some Filipino gold that the Japanese stole in WW2. It doesn’t matter who Martinez is because he is clearly a bad guy right from the start and luckily Savage Beach doesn’t take too long to show his true colors. Now there is some mystery as to the loyalties of the U.S Navy Capt. Andreas (Young Tessio himself, John Aprea) and U.S. Army Major Bruch Christian (Bruce Penhall).
- Island Trouble – If you were to guess that the gold was located on the same island that Dona and Taryn crash landed on you would be correct. You might not know that a couple of criminals, Eric (Erick Chen) and Fu (Al Leong) who killed the Japanese contingents to the gold search, end up on the island. And the ultimate fly in the ointment is the stranded Japanese soldier left on the island when the gold was buried during WW2. Only credited as Japanese Warrior, Michael Mikasa has some of the most unsettling old age makeup ever seen. If you told me that the Japanese Warrior was supposed to be a zombie I would have believed that more than he is just an old timer left on an island. Basically I am saying he is tough to look at.
- Island Party – With all the major players on the island, Savage Beach picks up the action. There are more twists and characters but it is all about rooting for the good guys (and girls) and having a good time. There is no doubt how Savage Beach will be resolved but how the end comes is part of the fun. I don’t know how you can make a movie that is boring when there is one woman using a crossbow with exploding arrows and another with a Steyr AUG and a Japanese Warrior with a sword. Savage Beach certainly couldn’t do it.
If you have seen any Andy Sidaris movies, then you know what Savage Beach is all about. Beautiful Hawaiian locations, attractive people all around and fun action. There is so much more to the story packed into Savage Beach that I didn’t mention, because you really just need to see it for yourself. There are also almost too many one liner jokes in Savage Beach, but the movie is definitely better for them and I know you will enjoy them. I think I will be grabbing my towel and sunscreen and hitting the beach right about now, but not before I leave you with some Savage Beach Bonus Bullet Points.
- Triple Threat – Savage Beach was written and directed by Andy Sidaris, and like his other movies he also makes an appearance. This time as an airport radio operator.
- Familiar Faces – Almost all the faces are familiar if you have seen any other Andy Sidaris movies, but I don’t want to leave out James Lew (18 Fingers of Death) and Dann Seki (The Landline Detective).
- Missed Casting Opportunity – Someone explain to me why Robert Ogata played Mako when there was a perfectly good Mako born to play the role.
- Can’t Get Enough? – If you are looking for more Savage Beach you might want to check out Return to Savage Beach.
