Bullet Points: Mafia vs. Ninja
There was a time in my life that if your ninja movie did not star Shô Kosugi or Michael Dudikoff, I probably wasn’t going to watch. Which meant I missed out on a lot of the ninja craziness back in the 1980s, including the films of Alexander Lo Rei.
Over the past few years, I have become a huge fan of Alexander Lo Rei after going back and checking out the movies I missed out on decades ago. My latest Lo Rei experience was 1985’s Mafia vs. Ninja…
- Mistaken Identity: Jack Do (Alexander Lo Rei, The Super Ninja) arrives in Shanghai and he is almost immediately attacked by Charlie Woo, who mistakes Jake as a rapist. Despite this awkward fist meeting, Jack and Charlie become fast friends… Charlie finds Jack a place to live and gets him a job picking up shit. And it is at their shitty job where Jack finds out that in Shanghai you have to pay protection money. Gangster Tao and his collectors show up… Charlie gladly pays them but Jack isn’t having it. A fight breaks out and Jack reigns supreme, impressing his cowardly friend Charlie and making an enemy in Tao.
- Stuck in the Middle: Tao reports to his boss Mao, telling him about newcomer Jack and his refusal to pay. Jack may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back for Mao who confides in Tao that he is sick of following the big boss, William Chung. Mao thinks he and Tao should off their boss and join up with the Japanese Ninja who are looking to make big money in Shanghai by selling drugs… a business Mr. Chung has no interest in. Tao and Mao set up a late night ambush on a dark road, where their hired killers will surprise and kill William Chung on his way home. But the surprise is on them… because Jack and Charlie are nearby on a break from shit collecting and intervene. Once again Jack proves to be a superior fighter despite being outnumbered. Mr. Chung is most thankful and invites Jack and Charlie to come see him the next day… When Jack and Charlie arrive at Mr. Chung’s home, Chung again expresses his gratitude and mentions that Jack is not utilizing his Kung Fu training in his shit collecting job and he offers Jack and Charlie jobs with his organization. Jack turns Chung down, saying they didn’t help Chung last night looking for a favor. Mr. Chung respects Jack’s decision but tells them if they ever need his help, to let him know.
- When Life Hands You a Fruit Basket: Mao and Tao decide to use the thorn in their side that Jack has become and manipulate him to their advantage after learning that Jack turned down William Chung’s job offer. Mao feeds Jack a line of bullshit, that refusing Chung’s offer was a huge social faux pas in Shanghai and that to make up for this sign of disrespect, Jack should present a gift to Mr. Chung. Jack being new in town accepts this as fact but he doesn’t really have any money for gift giving… no worries Mao will cover it and Jack can pay him back when he gets the money. So Jack delivers the fruit basket that Mao paid for and has a sit down with Mr. Chung to make sure there is no ill will between the two… suddenly Jack notices a bomb inside the fruit basket, lunges for it and throws it out the door milliseconds before it explodes. Jack has now saved Chung’s life twice and realizes that Mao used him. Chung gets some men together and along with Jack they go and pay Mao and Tao a visit. Chung does not understand why Mao and Tao just didn’t’ tell them they were unhappy (Mr. Chung is the nicest mafia boss in movie history)… Mao tries to make a run for it, but Jack is hot on his tail… this leads to a Jack vs. Mao fight, which leads to the death of Mao. Later that night Jack and Charlie join the mafia, with Jack going in as a fighter, while Charlie takes advantage of the mafia’s scholar program… I guess.
- Take Me To Your Leader: We’ve met the Mafia part of the equation so it is time to meet the Ninja. The Ninja are led by Japanese Leader… because names aren’t important, but fighting skills are. The Japanese leader has invited four top fighters from around the globe to join his Ninja organization. There’s the knife throwing master Nemo from Italy (who HKMDB has credited as Brazilian Nemo), representing the United States is Mr. Jones (played by Eugene Thomas of Ninja in the USA fame) then from Japan there is the big man named Fuji and another dude named Nemo (who HKMDB has credited as Japanese Nemo), because again names aren’t important, but fighting skills are. And all four are top notch fighters and are put into action when Chung agrees to a meeting with the Japanese Leader, it is at this meeting where Chung tells the Japanese leader that he doesn’t want those drugs sold near schools OR anywhere else in Shanghai… he’s fine with them getting into the gambling and prostitution business, but he sees no place for narcotics in Shanghai. Chung has brought Jack and Charlie along with him… but none of them were expecting Mr. Jones, Fuji and the two dudes named Nemo. Chung is badly wounded, but Jack and Charlie are able to get him into the car and back home… and it is at home that William Chung says his final words, “Never let the Japanese sell drugs in Shanghai”.
- Shanghai Surprise: Following the death of Mr. Chung, Jack and Charlie are out having a heart to heart discussing the Mafia’s future in Shanghai… apparently a new boss has been ordered but two day shipping was not an option, so they have to wait. One of their fellow family members comes frantically running up to them, there’s been an attack at the Chung house! When Jack and Charlie arrive they see all the other members of the Chung organization dead… it was a real massacre. It is at that point that Jack Do only has to scream a single word… REVENGE!!!!!
- Just Say No: Jack and Charlie are now out for revenge and to fulfill their master’s final wish… First up, Fuji and Japanese Nemo try to set up an opium den… Jack deals with Fuji one on one, while the previously cowardly Charlie the Scholar takes on Japanese Nemo and 3 or 4 ninjas and ends up killing them all… Japanese Leader can’t believe it, so he sends his sister Susan to kill Jack (who I should point out had a shoehorned romantic subplot with Jack). So Susan shows up at Jack’s door later that night wearing only a towel, leading to a love making scene. Afterwards it appears Susan is going to kill Jack in his sleep, but she loves him too much to do that, so she leaves him a note to warn him about Mr. Jones and Italian Nemo instead… Jack and Charlie decided to strike first, first setting up Italian Nemo after an evening of gambling and taking him out… Then Jack pays Mr. Jones a visit while he was training and Mr. Jones’ days of counting crows are soon over… that only leaves Japanese leader and his ninjas, including the mysterious purple ninja, who isn’t really all that mysterious.
Mafia vs. Ninja flipped the script a bit with Alexander Lo Rei not being the titular ninja, but instead being part of the titular mafia! The romance between Jack and Susan was probably the low point of the movie… they met when he saved her from being crushed by a pole, which I suppose would make for a great story for their grandkids, but not so much for viewers of Mafia vs. Ninja.
Even though Alexander Lo Rei was not a ninja in the movie, he still had ninja level fighting skills that came in handy time and time again as the movie definitely does not skimp on fight scenes. In fact, I am pretty sure they added the whole Jack and Charlie go to the White Horse Club (a club that does not allow Chinese or Dogs) just so they could get more fighting action in the movie (and probably pad the runtime).
I’m going to pad the word count of this post with some Bonus Bullet Points…
- AKA: Mafia vs. Ninja is also known as Ninja vs. Mafia and Secret of Ninja.
- Bastard Check: Borrowing a page from the Kung Fu classics that preceded the ninja craze, there were plenty of “bastards” sprinkled throughout the movie. I counted at least six times that bastard or bastards was said.
- Name That Tune: One tune I couldn’t help but recognize came at the very end of the movie, when Jack and Charlie go home and the song playing was “Let’s Go Home” from Battlestar Galactica.
- If You Ever: …wanted to see Alexander Lo Rei use a tree as a weapon, then Mafia vs. Ninja is the movie for you.
