Bullet Points: The Siege (2023)
There is no question that Tubi is the #1 streaming site for “guys like me”. If you don’t know whether you fit into that same category then just read on and you’ll notice the way that “people like us think”. It’s truly the people’s streaming site and no matter what your fancy is, they’ve got you covered. Recently, they’ve even dipped their toes into the Original Content game and made some films themselves. It’s been a real mixed bag of results but I love the effort. To be honest, nothing they do will ever make me turn my back on them. That’s love, dawg….
Synopsis: Walker (Stisen), an international assassin/hitman, is compromised during a mission. His handler sends him to a Reassignment Center at which Walker will be processed for a new identity. During his stay at the facility, a ruthless assault team storms the compound searching for someone their boss has lost. Walker begrudgingly falls in with Elda, a skilled hitwoman, and Juliet, her mysterious ward, in order to maximize the chance to survive the night.
- It’s a living: It may be the killing business but it’s still work. This economy is tough. So is Walker (Daniel Stisen) and the film opens with him getting the job done by taking out one of his marks. He looks the part, I guess, since he’s wearing his trademark white tank top and trench coat get up. I guess it’s something of a trademark look because I’ve seen two of his films and he dresses the same in both of them. Either way, he kills some dudes but one of them saw his face and now he has to call his handler for the dreaded change of identity.
- Who cares?: I guess I don’t understand why it matters what his identity is when he doesn’t live a normal life. No matter the reason, it gives him the perfect excuse to be placed in the Reassignment Center while he awaits all the details of his new gimmick. It’s like when the old WWF wrestlers would disappear for a few months and then return with a new pair of tights.
- Shit hittin’ the fan: Walker was safe and sound in his room until a couple of ladies barged in on him and forced him to be involved in this chaotic situation. It isn’t long before Walker learns that Yennis Cheung’s Juliet is the target for all of these bad guys attacking the facility and that it might take more than the very capable Elda (Lauren Okadigbo) to protect her.
- Killin’ fools: I can’t remember any of the kills in The Siege as being super badass. It’s definitely not John Wick and Daniel Stisen leaves plenty to be desired. He does, however, do a really good job at getting his ass kicked while still fighting on. He’s the Rocky Balboa of hitmen. Probably more like Rocky from the first film because Stisen doesn’t play a smart man and most of the film is spent leading up to another beatdown that doesn’t push much forward in terms of story.
- Bad Guys: A massive hole in the film (beyond the memorable kills) is the lack of a villain who can make Walker struggle. Sure, there are a few guys who physically play the part and beat his ass for a while. There are even bad guys who are pulling the strings for the entire ordeal, but the film didn’t have that ONE guy who seemed either crazy enough or just badass enough to take our buddy Walker out. The few bruisers and henchmen who get time to throw hands with Stisen aren’t given any time to look strong before the fight. They just appear and then lose. I need to see one of these guys being built up for me to believe he can win.
- Juliet: The two ladies, especially Elda, do their parts in the way of killing. They literally have to fight their way out of the building and escape the compound. The story gives us a reason as to why Elda and Juliet are on the run but it feels like the film cuts plenty of corners and isn’t very clever with why Walker is involved. In action movies like this we’re used to turning our brains off and just enjoying the films for the punching and the shooting. The Siege‘s problem is that it doesn’t do those things particularly well so I found myself digging into why these characters are doing what they’re doing and it just started to fall apart for me.
The Verdict: Make that two Daniel Stisen movies that I’ve watched in order to save you from something you probably don’t want to see. It’s true that there are good things about his films and I could see him playing a role in an action movie that I could really like. It’s just not this one. He should probably spend a film or two playing a bad guy or a meaty henchman. Let him get his neck broken by Scott Adkins or Dolph Lundgren. The Siege wasn’t terrible but it felt like a movie that was made because they still had the building for another few weeks and had leftover blanks and squibs. I hope that Tubi continues to make Original Content but just don’t make any more like this.
