Bullet Points: Road House (2024)

Nothing causes a collective groan on social media quite like the news that a movie is being remade or rebooted. While a remake/reboot does not instantly equal that a movie will be bad, remake/reboot’s don’t have the best track record.

However when the trailer dropped for the 2024 version of Road House, I must admit I was pleasantly surprised. The action looked good. I thought Jake Gyllenhaal was a great choice for the lead.. Much like Patrick Swayze before him, Jake had proved he was an actor who could do action, but not someone I would classify as an action star. And it certainly didn’t hurt that Doug Liman was in the director’s chair.

But was this all trailer magic?!?! Or was Road House (2024) as good as it appeared?

• Battle of the Tough Guys: The movie kicks off with a tough man contest being held in a bar in front of a rowdy group of patrons drinking and gambling their night away. This felt like any number of movies released in the 1990s except instead of a former professional kickboxer doing battle, it was Post Malone (or Austin Post for those in the know). Post played bareknuckle brawler, Carter Ford. Ford is running through the competition this evening and his payday is getting bigger and bigger with each win… and that’s when Elwood Dalton shows up… Ford takes one look at Dalton, a former UFC competitor who left the world of MMA after killing an opponent inside The Octagon and forfeits… Dalton gets the cash without even having to break a sweat. Watching all this unfold was Frankie (Jessica Williams) who was there looking to recruit Carter Ford to be her new head bouncer… but she quickly realizes that Dalton would make for a better candidate and offers him the gig instead.
• Where Everybody Knows Your Name: After a bit of soul searching, Dalton makes his way to Glass Key, Florida, located in The Florida Keys. Dalton arrives in town by bus, makes some friends at a book store and then makes his way to the roadhouse that he’ll be working at and the name is The Road House. Much like the original Road House, this Dalton orders himself a coffee and gets a lay of the land. At first things are relatively peaceful, then business starts to pick up… a couple of guys start acting up, but worse some bikers show up, led by Dell (JD Pardo) and they are solely there to cause trouble. Dalton politely asks if he can talk to them outside, Dell has no interest in doing that. Then Dalton drops the hint that he is going to go outside and mess with their bikes and that’s Dalton’s coming out party… all the patrons and employees of The Road House head outside and watch Dalton take on multiple men and breaking bones and concussing them in the process… Dalton then drives them to the local hospital and it’s there he meets Ellie the ER doctor (played by Daniela Melchior) setting up a little romantic subplot. By the next day everyone in town knows who Dalton is.

• Not So Random Acts of Violence: It turns out that the trouble at The Road House is not just random rowdies looking for trouble… these rowdies work for Ben Brandt (Billy Magnussen, No Time to Die). Brandt, who inherited his father’s empire after his dad went to prison for drug smuggling, is looking to turn Glass Key into Glass Key Resort… but Frankie has no interest in selling, so Ben’s plan was to make life so miserable for her that she changes her mind, or just up and leaves. Now I am not a real estate developer, so I don’t really know everything that goes into it… but I am guessing one plot of land would not prevent a resort from being built, I feel like a skilled architect (someone like a Paul Kersey) could figure out a way to develop around The Road House property. The villains are usually the key to making an action movie great and Ben and his boys are in no way great action movie villains… and the movie is aware of it, because the constant failure of Ben and his henchmen, forces Ben’s dad to make a call from prison to bring in a heavy hitter… Knox played by UFC superstar, Conor McGregor. McGregor’s Knox is so over the top that he completely overshadows everyone else when he appears on screen.

• Be Nice… Until It Is Time Not To: I am not sure of the exact moment, but the movie lost me as it went on. It could have been when the evil land grab plan was unveiled, it could have been one of Dalton’s one liners that felt forced, it could have been that this version of Road House didn’t have cool ass Sam Elliott show up part way through to breathe some life into it. And the 2 hour and 1 minute runtime didn’t do the movie any favors either. I think if the movie clocked in around the 100 minute mark instead, it may have worked better.

The trailer magic was definitely strong with 2024’s Road House but not so strong that I went into the movie expecting an all-time action classic. I felt like I went in with reasonable expectations and still came out of the movie disappointed. I know there was some drama about Road House not getting a theatrical run, but I believe the powers that be made the right call. If I had gone out to the theater to see this, I would have been even more disappointed.

I don’t want to disappoint fans of the Bonus Bullet Points, so enjoy…

• Flashbacks: Dalton has flashbacks to his final fight in the UFC throughout the movie. These scenes were shot at the UFC 285 event that was held at the T-Mobile Arena in Las Vegas on March 4, 2023.
• Soundtraxx: When Dalton drives the bikers to the hospital, they are listening to “Kokomo” by The Beach Boys.
• Most Unexpected Death: I would not have predicted that Dell the Biker would die the way he did.