Bullet Points: Lady Iron Monkey

Monkey kung fu has been a popular choice in kung fu cinema, but I don’t think it has ever been taken so literally as in 1979’s Lady Iron Monkey. A young woman raised by monkeys has the mannerisms and characteristics of a monkey, including world class kung fu.  Sounds crazy… I’m all for it.

• Monkeying Around – Two men are walking through the woods when they are attacked by a group of monkeys. That may sound simple, but the men are actually an overweight man who is called fatty throughout the movie and a little person and the monkeys are children in monkey suits, although I think we are supposed to believe they are real because they look different than our hero, the ape girl (Chin Feng-Ling). Don’t get too upset about monkeys and apes being different because the movie doesn’t. They two men get their master who eventually is able to capture the ape girl. 
• Monkey See, Monkey Do – The master realizes the ape girl is a human and wants to try to save her and make her more human again. We get a short My Fair Lady style montage, but with kung fu, where the master and his group are teaching this here ape girl to read and write. Not much has changed with her outward hairy appearance and they fat guy and little person love to call her ugly. It is very sad and maybe there is a message to be learned someplace, but the ape girl is always showcasing her kung fu skills so I didn’t learn anything.

• Cheeky Monkey – The ape girl has had enough of their negative comments and follows a procession with a bride to be. When the bride faints from seeing her, the ape girl tries on her clothes, including the facial covering, and I bet you know where this is going. The groom was in for a surprise when that covering came off! Now that she is in the big city, she can get up to more fun stuff, like stealing chicken from people in a restaurant that leads to a FOOD FIGHT! I love a good food fight in a movie.
• Monkey Business – A prince pays for the damage caused and the ape girl is instantly smitten. She follows him to a birthday party and because she wasn’t invited she is going to be kicked out until she tells of her kung fu skills. She then proceeds to kick everyone’s ass at the party and the prince has an idea to use her kung fu skills for nefarious purposes. She is so enamored with the price she can’t see that he is the main antagonist in the movie until she overhears him calling her ugly. 

• One Monkey Don’t Stop No Show – The ape girl runs away back to the master’s village, but since he is away, she decides to try a little depilation. And by a little, I mean a lot. She sits in a giant pot filled with some sort of homeopathic hair removal solution for three days. It actually works as she comes out of the pot looking a lot less hairy… except she has a tail! But they make it seem like she always had the tail, but I never saw it before. I don’t really care because the master teaches her to use her tail in kung fu like a whip.
• Barrel of Monkeys – Now looking all pretty and such, the ape girl decides to go try to win over the prince. The prince is actually the king now because of an illegal deed he had the ape girl unwittingly help with, and he is much more in favor of the better looking ape girl. However, he is still a bad dude and when he tries to blow up some people he promised to help with the ape girl included, she finally realizes his true nature. We get more kung fu action and you know which two will be squaring off in the end. 

Lady Iron Monkey is a fun kung fu action movie that doesn’t take itself seriously, even though it takes itself literally. The story is not realistic, but the fighting is. Pretty much every scene has a fight so there is never time to get bored or confused by the actual story. There is no backstory of how she came to live with monkeys or what happens after and we don’t need anything else. I can’t say the same about the Lady Iron Monkey Bullet Points as they need to end with some Lady Iron Monkey Bonus Bullet Points.

• Familiar Face – I liked seeing Lo Lieh (The Lady Hermit) in a small role as one of the assassins.
• Soundtraxx – The electronic stylings of the Moog were on full display with Dick Hyman’s “The Moog and Me” getting played plenty, but the best song in Lady Iron Monkey has to be “Bloodsucker” by Mandingo, forever burned into my brain by Sleeping Fist. 
• Also Known As – You may find Lady Iron Monkey as The Ape Girl.
• More Iron Monkeys – If you like monkey kung fu, you may want to check out Iron Monkey (both the 1977 and 2013 versions), Monkey’s Fist or even Mad Monkey Kung-Fu.