Bullet Points: Instant Rage
There are a lot of things in this world that give me instant rage… many of them revolve around this web site. Others include people who are intolerant of other people’s cultures and the Dutch.
The Wu Tang channel on YouTube recently gave me 1989’s Instant Rage and now I am about to give you a review of 1989’s Instant Rage…
- Nobody Does It Like, Carol Lee: Three toughs target a young couple, Judy and George, who have just arrived in town via the train. When the toughs get a little too close to Judy, George steps in… which starts a fight right then and there on the railway platform. The ring leader of the goons, ends up with Judy’s purse and starts to take off, that’s when Carol Lee shows up and shows off some impressive lassoing skills and beats the crap out of the baddies, until the cops show up and arrest them… While all this was going on it appeared that a white ninja and a black ninja were watching the action unfold, but they may have actually just been watching one another in the woods. The white ninja (who we eventually learn is named Wilbur gets a blow dart to the arm courtesy of the black ninja (who we eventually learn is named Steve) and instead of fighting back, Wilbur chooses to disappear, ninja style! Speaking of disappearing… Judy and George are never seen again after their initial appearance.
- Merger Incorporated: A chunk of the movie revolves around a proposed merger as some nefarious mobster types are looking to take over the business that is owned by Carol’s father John and uncle Peter or it could have been Carol’s father Peter and uncle John, there seemed to be some confusion or maybe it was just me. John Lee knows that Peter’s wife has something to do with this merger, since she’s a known mob associate. We never find out her name, but we do find out that she is more than just a conduit for this merger to take place… she wants to run the whole damn thing!
- Super Friend: As tough as Carol Lee is, it would be preposterous to believe she can take on the entire mob herself, so it was no surprise that some other good guys were introduced into the mix. What was a surprise was that the heroic character of Brian had super human powers. When we first see Brian, he is stopping some bad guys from escaping by grabbing the bumper of their speeding car, which prevents the cars from moving. The guys bail out and foolishly think they can escape Brian on foot… two of the guys get their asses kicked and end up in the drink. A third bad guy manages to run and hop onto the bed of a truck that was passing by. But Brian also manages to get on the truck and they fight until another bad guy ends up in the drink. Brian’s master is a voice from above that helps guide our hero at various points in the movie. The most surprising thing about Brian would come later, when he interrogated a secretary of one of the merger bosses and does so in a very pervy fashion. Of course, Brian’s horniness could be explained… at one point Brian and Carol Lee take a break from their crime fighting to tour some local ruins, Brian takes the whole thing as “first date” that is going really well, but when the police captain shows up, he realizes that Carol Lee is already spoken for. He was in ruins in more ways than one…. one other Brian surprise, his dad that he never knew, is one of the mobsters!!
- Hold Up: There were times that I was about to say to myself, “I was told this was a ninja movie” but before I could get the words out some random ninja content would be thrown in, like when Black Ninja Steve and his boys go kill a blind master because he won’t tell Steve where a ring is… Later in the movie we do get a final showdown between Wilbur and Steve, with Wilbur using a bail of hay and fireworks as weapons… While Instant Rage may not have had wall to wall ninja action, there was a wide variety of action when there weren’t ninjas on screen… there was a couple of shoot outs between the cops and the mobsters… Brian had to escape a snake pit… And there was even a cat fight on the streets with the women even going after the cop who was trying to break it up.
If after reading my review of Instant Rage, you don’t have a clear understanding of the film’s basic premise. Try watching it… you’ll be even more confused. Godfrey Ho inserting ninjas into pre-existing films does not always make for the most lucid storytelling, but you can’t say these movies are not interesting. Trying to figure it all out is part of the experience.
Reading the Bonus Bullet Points, is often a part of the Bulletproof Action experience…
- If You Ever: …wanted to see a ninja with a Paul E. Dangerously style phone, then Instant Rage is the movie for you.
- Best Death: Peter Lee being killed by a bulldozer was the best death in Instant Rage.
- So Nice, They Billed Him Twice: I am not sure what character he (or any of the other credited actors) played in the movie, but I do know that Elton Gibbs was listed twice during the opening credits.
- Bastard Count: I only counted one “bastard” in Instant Rage. If there were zero “bastards”, I would have likely gone into a rage the instant the movie was over.
- Name That Tune: It would be an instant lawsuit if Instant Rage was released today, because there was so much pirated music… There was some of Charles Bernstein’s A Nightmare on Elm Street score, there was a bit of Jack Nitzsche’s Starman score and the main title from Transylvania 6-5000 by Lee Holdridge was featured prominently… But for me, the standout song was “Sixteen Days / Gathering Dust” by This Mortal Coil.
