Bullet Points: The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master

1981’s The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master had a lot working against it. First off, the video quality is pretty poor, which never helps a viewing experience. Second, there was a lack of character names in many cases, which never helps a reviewing experience.

But as I pushed forward with the film, I couldn’t help but notice something… the term “bastard” was being thrown around more and more as the movie progressed. Then I started to wonder if it could beat the current record holder, Hard Bastard starring Hwang Jang Lee and its amazing 16 “bastards” in a single film.

There was only one way to find out. I was going to have to start back at the beginning of The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master and count every time “bastard” was said. Will we have a new record holder? Place your bets now…

• Finger Poke of Doom: The movie wastes no time delivering a fight scene with a not so mysterious masked man challenging a fellow martial artist. The man being challenged has a strong suspicion that the masked man is none other than Chang Hsiang (Cheng Kei-Ying, Bruce – King of Kung Fu). Chang does not confirm or deny that supposition, he’s too busy trying to kill his opponent and kill him he does, with a double eye poke death blow… what Chang doesn’t realize is that his opponent’s young son was hiding in the brush nearby and saw the whole thing… including when Chang unmasks and reveals his identity. When Chang walks away, the son promises to avenge his father. Cue the opening credits, featuring the son as a young adult showing off his martial arts skills. I should point out that the son was one of those characters that never received a name and that in the opening minutes of the movie the bastard count was at 0.
• The Rascalz: After the credits we are introduced to Da Pao and Erh Pao (according to the subtitled version on the Wu Tang channel), two kids who are often referred to as rascals and in one instance as ragamuffins. Da and Erh are in school and the teacher’s lesson is so boring, that the teacher puts himself to sleep, which opens the door for Da and Erh to pull some cruel pranks on their teacher, including painting his glasses red and then waking him up by yelling fire. The hilarity escalates from there. When the boys get home their father scolds them and threatens to beat them until their mother intervenes. Their dad is sick of their troublemaking ways and the fact that they insist on practicing kung fu. But as the movie progresses they continue to make trouble and practice kung fu. Still no bastards after the introduction of the Brothers Pao, which is ironic since they were little bastards!
• The Gambler: Now it is time to meet the titular Gambler, played by Hon Kwok-Choi of The Iron Dragon Strikes Back fame. We meet him in his natural habitat, the casino. Sadly it’s not been a good day for him at the tables and he is cleaned out, but he knows when to fold ’em, so he heads out and takes his frustrations out on the first person he sees, a young Shaolin monk, who The Gambler proceeds to bully. This is where we get our first bastard of the movie! This is also where The Gamblers luck runs out once again because he bumps into a Shaolin Abbot, who can not be pushed around by The Gambler like the young monk, in fact the Abbot throws The Gambler up into a tree to teach him a lesson about bullying! The Gambler is stuck and that’s when we see Da and Erh walking to school and learn that The Gambler is their uncle… an uncle that they don’t bother helping down from the tree. Those little bastards!

• The Kung Fu Master: We’ve met The Gambler and we are about to meet The Kung Fu Master… actually we met him earlier, because the Kung Fu Master in the movie is Chang Hsiang! Da and Erh are rescued by Chang when they are up in the mountains looking for herbs and nearly fall into a ravine… maybe Chang isn’t such a bad dude after all. Da and Erh thank Chang and tell them their kung fu teacher back in town is trash and ask him to be their teacher. Chang agrees and their training begins! …A bit later in the film, The Gambler has a much better day at the casino, but when he gets home there’s a note from his wife that she has left his gambling ass. The Gambler’s world is destroyed and a suicide attempt ends with him also becoming a student of Chang. We then get dueling training montages as The Gambler begins his training interspersed with the vengeful son training. At this point in the movie 4 more bastards were dropped!

• Why Drag?: The Gambler and his nephews find a not so subtle message from the guys from the casino at The Gambler’s home… they are pissed that he actually won money at their casino during his last visit. So to get back at them, The Gambler returns to the casino, but this time with Da Pao in drag and they once again win big. If anyone out there has seen The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master can explain, how sneaking a kid into a casino helped The Gambler win even bigger than his last trip, please let me know in the comments. Here is what I do know, after winning big and leaving with his new found wealth, the casino thugs go after The Gambler and his nephews. Which means a pretty lengthy foot chase through out the town and all sorts of randomness is thrown in… there’s a fortune teller being accused of being a dirty old man, the use of the phrase “illegitimate baby” instead of bastard, a woman splitting her pants, some broken turtles eggs, a street fight for The Gambler, a fight at the kung fu gym for the guys chasing Da and Erh, Chang showing his true colors to his students and ultimately all of The Gambler’s winnings ending up in the town’s typhoon relief fund! But most importantly we get another 10 “bastards”.

• An Eyes for an Eyes: The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master comes full circle when Chang goes after Da and Erh with intentions of killing them, only to be stopped by the grown up son from the start of the film there to save the day and avenge the death of his father with his monkey style kung fu! This final fight goes down in the woods with an extremely frustrated Chang, he knows he has met his match and drops four bastards almost in a row… and just like that we have a new record holder. And the icing on the cake is Chang gets his eyes gouged out as the movie comes to a close.

The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master was a revenge tale with a Hon Kwok-Choi comedy (and a whole lot of bastards) shoved in the middle as filler. I think if the movie was one or the other it would have actually been better. As it was, The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master was average at best movie wise, but “bastard” wise it is now the movie to beat!

You can’t beat these Bonus Bullet Points…

• One Question: Why is there a werewolf on this The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master poster? There were no werewolves in the actual movie.
• If You Ever: …wanted to see someone piss on Hon Kwok-Choi’s head, then The Gambler and His Kung Fu Master is the movie for you.
• Small World: At one point in the movie, Da and Erh’s dad tells him exactly why he doesn’t want his sons practicing kung fu. It seems that he had a kung fu fighting friend years ago, who had his eyes gouged out!