Bullet Points: Crazy Six (1997)
We celebrated the filmography of Director Albert Pyun back in 2020 with our Ultimate Albert Pyun Countdown. Conspicuous by its absence from that list (and even the honorable mentions) was 1997’s Crazy Six. I had not seen Crazy Six until about 14 hours ago, but going in I asked myself, Is Crazy Six so bad that the self-proclaimed Pyun fans that were brought together to create the Countdown didn’t feel it was even worth mentioning!?
Having seen my fair share of Pyun films over the years, I can’t really say I went into Crazy Six completely blind, because there are some things you can almost expect from an Albert Pyun movie. A bleak outlook for the future? Crazy Six definitely has that. Pyun regulars being featured in the cast? Thom Mathews and Norbert Weisser certainly qualify there. However, I had no idea what the plot of the film was and I really didn’t expect that Rob Lowe and Burt Reynolds would be among the cast, but there they were right alongside Ice-T and Mario Van Peebles…
- Welcome to Crimeland: 40 years after the fall of Communism, Eastern Europe has become a hub for criminals of every ilk and a trade route for drugs and weapons. As the movie begins, we are introduced to Billie (Rob Lowe) and his fellow crack smoking friends, Andrew (Thom Mathews, Bloodmatch) and Viyana. Billie (or Crazy Six, for those in the know) has cut a deal with crime boss, “Dirty” Mao (Mario Van Peebles, Solo). They don some ski masks and crash a plutonium deal that Mao rival, Raul (Ice- T, Mean Guns), is involved in. The trio steal the plutonium for Mao… in return, Mao will provide Billie and his friends with the money they need to support their filthy drug habits. But there’s a reason that he is known as “Dirty” Mao, because once he gets what he wants from Billie and friends, Mao screws them over… Mao even has his right hand man tip off Raul about who stole the plutonium and where he can find them.
- 48 Hours: Raul’s boss gives him 48 hours to recover the plutonium, so when Raul gets the tip off that Billie is at a night club, he acts fast and moments later we have ourselves a night club shoot out! One of the bullets managed to hit the club’s star attraction, Anna. Now Billie had eyes on Anna the moment he walked into the club, so it is really no surprise when he takes an interest in her well being after the bullets stop flying. But with the cops on their way, Billie has to make this love connection a short one… for now. Anna ends up being taken to the hospital by Detective Dakota (Burt Reynolds, White Ligthning), where the emergency room doctor tends to her flesh wound and as soon as she is discharged from the hospital, she tracks down Crazy Six and so begins the furthering love story between current crackhead, Billie, and former crackhead, Anna.
- Everybody Wants You: Anna obviously wants Billie, the cops know that Billie can lead them to “Dirty” Mao, Raul needs Billie so he can recover the plutonium… everybody wants Billie for one reason or another! Speaking of everybody, as the movie was heading into the third act, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was going to end with everybody dying OR if the only thing dying was my interest in the film. The movie ends with one last gun fight where Mao shoots Raul, but since he’s “Dirty” Mao he tries to pin it on Billie. That never happens though since Mao is killed by Dakota and ends up with Mao’s diabetic dog. To add to the unexpected “happy” ending… Anna resumes her singing career and Billie gets clean.
After watching Crazy Six, I now know that it indeed was so bad that even fans of Albert Pyun movies didn’t feel it deserved to be among his Top 10 movies or even honorably mentioned. The movie didn’t lack star power (Burt Reynolds was the best part!), so you can’t point the finger there. You could probably point the finger at the lack of action, I know I would. If Albert could have worked in a cyborg or some kickboxing or better yet, a kickboxing cyborg, then I think even Pyun fans would give Crazy Six some love. But as it stands, Pyun fan or not, I wouldn’t give Crazy Six any of your time.
I will give you some Crazy Six Bonus Bullet Points…
- Interesting Theory: Dakota believes the world is divided into two parts, those who love Neil Diamond and those who don’t.
- Hot Diggity: Dakota may not like Neil Diamond, but he is a big Perry Como fan.
- Familiar Face: As I mentioned earlier in the introduction, Norbert Weisser is featured in Crazy Six. Weisser plays Jerzy, Dakota’s cop partner who is gunned down. Weisser may hold the record for most Pyun film appearances, including Heatseeker, Ticker, Captain America and Omega Doom.
- Confusing Quote: While it was not the first time I have ever heard the quote, I was no less confused when Dakota said “Deader than Kelsey’s nuts”. Which always brings up the questions, Who was Kelsey? And why were his nuts dead?
