Ryan Shoots First: Borderlands (2024)
I like movies, I am an easy mark. I tend to enjoy the experience and can find something in just about any movie. Sure sometimes I will go back later in the second watch and realize “Yeah this really isn’t that good” but I am a simp for the movie-going experience.
With all that stated, Borderlands really was a terrible movie. I didn’t have high hopes going in something about the trailers leading up just seemed bad. The line deliveries seemed wooden, I am not sure who the villain was and it seemed even the studio knew what they had cause there was very little promotion or even additional trailers or clips to ease concerns. I say all this not even being the biggest Borderlands player so this isn’t a “they didn’t capture the game” type thing cause it felt close enough I guess. It’s hard to say when the game came out 20 years ago. Talk about striking while the iron is hot. One thing you won’t hear me say cause I hate that line is “who asked for this?”, there are some great stories out there and Borderlands has plenty of lore to pull from and a wide universe but sadly the video game-to-movie streak of wins is over.
The cast seemed to all be there, Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Jack Black. They really pulled some favors to stack this one and I did feel like maybe it had a shot of pulling off a Jumanji. A movie no one asked for that actually delivered some laughs, action, and good chemistry with the squad. The trailers didn’t look great for it but it pulled it off and even got a sequel! Maybe there was hope for Borderlands. Even with that low bar and my expectations tempered the movie is just bad. The lines seem delivered as if they only had the set rented till 4 and everyone had somewhere else to be. There is very little life in anything going on. The jokes don’t land and everything just feels dated. Many are comparing to a Guardians of the Galaxy rip off and I guess I could see that but the fact it’s a video game and has Black and Hart that’s what pulls me closer to that Jumanji comparison.
Regardless I am sure there is someone out there who will like it. Some big fans of the game who will enjoy it and be sad it seems likely we won’t get any sequels. I feel for them and I am glad they liked it. Maybe it will find a home on streaming where the barrier for passable is significantly lower but for now this vault is best left unopened.
