Bullet Points: The Terror Within (1989)
Instead of seeing the new Alien film that seems to be getting meh reviews, I thought it prudent to instead watch a film that was made for a fraction of the budget but still with a person being lit on fire. It’s The Terror Within! A film that may never be more than just another Alien ripoff, but one could argue that being an Alien ripoff is still better than being a shitty Alien sequel. Let’s dive in and find out which is better!
The Synopsis: When chemical warfare leaves the world barren and filled with mutated monsters, a band of survivors in an underground complex battle one of the creatures that was able to break in.
- What a Bummer: Surviving an apocalyptic event might be a cause for celebration but not if you think about what life might become after the dust settles. For most of these films, it’s a constant struggle to fight food, water, or any of the other necessities in life. For this group of humans, they live in an underground bunker away from any of the contaminates on the Earth. Sadly for them, they are running low on food and have to send teams top-side to hunt and forage. One good thing, though, is that there appear to be a few hotties living it up with them.
- The struggle is real: While the teams that go hunting are putting their lives at risk for the betterment of their new society, it’s also just as important for them to succeed in their mission or else they’ll all starve. What all survived above their bunker is still something of a mystery but there are some creatures that are very dangerous called gargoyles. The bunker survivors come across a small camp that had seemingly been killed by one of these gargoyles but they are able to rescue a woman and take her back down below.
- Oh, baby: Once the newest member of their hidden society starts to go into labor, business really starts to pick up. As you could probably imagine, this Alien knockoff also knocks off it’s most iconic scene but instead of the chestburster we get a scene that will frighten any first time parent before they go into the delivery room. The “baby” doesn’t stay small for long, however, and we get our first attempt at a posse to take down a newborn.
- The Creature: All good creature flicks need a cool design. This one doesn’t quite knock it out of the park but it’s also not the worst thing I’ve seen. I respect their decision to show the monster early and often and kudos to them for having it murder both men and women (equality). What is perhaps most frightening about this monster is that he’s a dirty rapist! Yep, you read that right. This creature has no qualms about killing men but he’s definitely trying his best to rape the women first to birth new creatures. It’s takes a terrible situation and somehow makes it worse. It’s clear that this creature is a dude in a suit and while that isn’t a deal breaker for me, I would have liked for the guy to change his gait or walk like a hound or something.
- Kill it: While the survivors are worried, they’re most certainly not scared shitless. They go out looking for this creature and are actively trying to lure it and trap it in several different scenes. George Kennedy is the leader of their crew and he and the others round up what weapons they have and go out looking for this thing. We get the usual flamethrower and crossbow but we’re also treated to a medical laser of some kind. You could say that this thing is pretty indestructible but the truth is that it mostly kills its prey with its sneakiness.
- Everybody has a weakness: Even gargoyles or whatever the hell this thing is has a weakness. Luckily they discover it in enough time for them to take advantage of it. I’d like to think that I’d do pretty well against something like this but I know I would flip my shit if the rest of my crew wanted to split up and search the compound. Fuck that! Go out with all of your weapons and lure that thing with your girls panties. When it gets close, light it up with some lasers and flamethrowers. These survivors haven’t seen all of the movies that I’ve seen so they go about it a different way, but you won’t be too disappointed. They’re at least pretty smart about the whole situation.
The Verdict: Drunk Chad thought this was a pretty decent knockoff of the original Alien. It is weaker in pretty much every category that you could come up with in regards to that film but it isn’t all bad. I can’t believe George Kennedy is in this movie, and Andrew Stevens isn’t that bad as our hero. He’s like that Chinese knockoff G.I. Joe that your aunt bought you. The one whose thumbs broke off the first week. Even though he can’t hold a gun in his hand, he still looks cool and plays fodder to all the other Joes in your collection. That’s what’s going on here as the “gargoyle” runs rampant in the underground facility. He’s not as deadly or as cool looking as a Xenomorph but you get what you get when you don’t spend shit. Quote me on that! Either way, The Terror Within is a cheap version of Alien produced by Roger Corman and it truly shows on screen. Not in a terrible way where you shouldn’t see it, though. It’s a testament to what great men and women used to make with just a vision (not theirs) and a few bucks. I dig it.
