20 Reasons Why You Rock: Cyborg
As we near the end of another incredible Best Van Damme Week Ever, I’d like to stop and take a moment to appreciate all of the hard work that went into making this happen. Big shout out to Chris the Brain for gathering these experts and other insanely knowledgeable people together to add their own flavors to this delicious Van Damme stew we’re offering.
So now it’s my turn, I guess. When I think of the man we’re honoring this week I normally get images of Frank Dux, Leon, or Chance Boudreaux spin kicking denim-clad henchmen through windows to spill out onto the empty sidewalk. Maybe it’s for that reason that we conclude our week with something that most of us don’t instantly bring up anytime JCVD is brought into a conversation. A film that has slid comfortably under the radar for over three decades. One that probably shouldn’t have happened, but carries an aura that most modern movies could never match. Let’s look at 20 Reasons Why You Rock: Cyborg Edtion!
1. Narration is nothing new in an action film but how often can you remember a film opening with a narration by the villain?
2. One thing you could say about Fender’s crew is that they feel like authentic crazy people. Could be the dirt and grime of it all or maybe it’s the fact that most of them aren’t “actors” but just bodybuilders and martial artists. They don’t seem like your typical henchmen.
3. Punching yourself out of a pile of rubble isn’t the most effective way but it sure does look cool.
4. The brutality from Fender and his crew is unmatched. How many other films have the crucifixion count that this one has? Or how about the amount of beheadings and throat slashings in the first act? This one really came out swinging, as they say.
5. What are Slingers? They take pay to get people out of cities. Get folks to safety. JCVD will accept canned food items for pay. It sounds like Slinger was director Albert Pyun’s first choice for a title. The history of how this film was made from start to finish would probably make for a good book. Maybe someone will get to that someday.
6. Am I the only one who sees Van Damme with his Japanese Anime hair?
7. Like any good reluctant Western-like hero, he doesn’t care so much about the cure to the plague. He just wants revenge on Fender and his crew.
8. JCVD = no fucks given
9. Van Damme’s weaponry is so cool. Knives, swords and the like are cool but his rifle looks rad and the blade in his boot is too cool. I think every kid in my neighborhood was taping nails to the ends of our shoes back then.
10. How did JC resist showing his ass? What a turn of events!
11. Iconic split kill. I don’t care if he blinded the guy or not. That one would make for an awesome poster on the man cave wall.
12. Chase scene is excellent. Van Damme may get his ass beaten worse than anytime in his movie career. It reminds me of what Batman vs Bane should have been. Just being slowly worn out from fighting guy after guy until the big bad shows up and ruins him.
13. Crucifixion seems like the only way that anyone would ever be left alive by Fender.
14. The Cyborg is trying to lead Fender into a trap but he’s not so stupid. He didn’t survive the apocalypse and become the pirate killing machine simply because of his weird eyes and radio voice.
15. Total walk n brawl for the finale. Lots of yelling. Triple H and Stone Cold would be proud of this finish.
16. Fender gets the horror movie killer death. You never quite expect that he’s had enough done to him to finish him off. Ends up impaled on a hook. That oughta do it.
17. Van Damme’s face is one big bruise in the end. Looks like he’s been through hell. You have to see a hero bloody sometimes.
18. The ending feels somewhat anti-climactic given all he’s been through.
19. Dropped in a well. Crucified. Beaten to a bloody pulp. Maybe the most his ass has ever been whooped on screen without being exposed.
20. When you remember that this film was dreamt up as a black and white rock opera with very few lines, it makes a little more sense why most of the characters are named after musical instruments and manufacturers.
