Bullet Points: Six Kung Fu Heroes
Over the past year or so, I had the pleasure of watching both The Crippled Masters and Crippled Avengers, two Kung Fu classics that spotlight fighters with disabilities. Little did I know, there was another movie that would make for a perfect triple feature alongside Crippled Avengers and The Crippled Masters and it happens to be the subject of this edition of Bullet Points… 1980’s Six Kung Fu Heroes!
- And Then There Were Six: We meet five of the six Kung Fu Heroes in the opening minutes of the film. All five are fighters with a disability. They included Lao Tuo aka The Hunchback, there was also a one armed fighter, a blind fighter with a flute, another fighter with a crutch and last but not least Pu Mao and his bald spots. While each of the five are differently abled, they all share the same Master. When the fivesome make their way back to their Master’s farm, they spot who they believe is a milk thief… a milk thief with some pretty awesome fighting skills! It turns out that the milk thief is deaf and is their Master’s newest pupil making her the “younger sister” of the group. It seems fitting that throughout the entire introduction of the six heroes, “bastard” was dropped six times… that’s six times in a matter of minutes!?!? It’s time to break out the scoreboard…
- Mission Impossible: The Master has more news for his six pupils, they are being tasked with a dangerous mission by orders of the Ming Emperor himself. To prepare them for this deadly mission, the Master takes them to meet with the former Minister of Defense of the Ming Dynasty, Fu Cho. Fu Cho tells each of the six that they will be given a letter (with a self destruct feature) to deliver to a Ming General, who is preparing a major attack on the Ching. It’s made clear that the odds of all of them surviving this mission are slim and none, but with six chances, the odds are good that the General will receive this all important message from the Emperor. Fu Cho also tells the Six Kung Fu Heroes about their greatest challenge on this mission… a “cruel bastard” named To Lo (Han Ying-Chieh, The Big Boss). To Lo is a high ranking man with the Ching, and he and his men are not allowing anyone to pass without permission, which means the Heroes are gonna have a fight on their hands. In all, another three bastards were uttered during the meeting with Fu Cho.
- Tag Team: Our heroes begin their arduous journey by breaking off into three teams of two. Which if you are keeping track or more than just the bastard count, means triple the Kung Fu action! There are To Lo soldiers getting impaled by flying swords, a big restaurant fight, and there’s even a giant that shows up and gives Hunchback an airplane spin! Sprinkled in all of this action are five more “bastards” and the movie hadn’t quite hit the half-way point…. Six Kung Fu Heroes is well on its way of having more “bastards” than any other movie I have ever seen!
- Get Lo: The “bastards” did slow down in the second half of the movie, but fortunately for Six Kung Fu Heroes the action did not! In addition to the action, we get a little added intrigue as one of the heroes dons a disguise and seemingly sells out his friends and cuts a deal with To Lo. As their meeting wraps up, To Lo asks the mystery man what his name is… the mystery man tells him after To Lo kills the other 5, then he’ll know… as a viewer it was pretty easy to figure out who was behind the mask… it obviously wasn’t Hunchback, he didn’t require a crutch or cane to maneuver around, he was a man so that eliminated the deaf sister and he had both of his arms… The heroes start dropping as they have to deal with To Lo’s men equipped with chattering teeth weapons, fighting in canoes and To Lo’s right hand man with the scar on his face. It becomes a guessing game on who will survive to the end when they ultimately have to square off with Tol Lo himself!
With a total of 17 “bastards”, Six Kung Fu Heroes definitely earned a spot in the Count the Bastards Top Ten.
Having heroes with disabilities risking their lives for their country made them both the ultimate underdogs and patriots. Six Kung Fu Heroes had a good mix of action, comedy and story. And at only 77 minutes, it never wore out its welcome… Not surprisingly, Han Yieng-Chieh made for a the perfect villain and the scene where his right hand man is poisoned by a quick thinking Hunchback, proved what a cold-hearted and cruel bastard To Lo truly was… Six Kung Fu Heroes is another Kung Fu classic that I need to add to my physical media collection ASAP.
If you are looking to add to your reading time, check out these Bonus Bullet Points…
- AKA: Six Kung Fu Heroes is also known as Six Heroic Figures and The 6 Disabled Chivalries.
- Offensive Quote: “If you see a cripple, kill them! I don’t want one left alive.” – To Lo
- Produced By: Six Kung Fu Heroes was a Lucky Star production. Among the other Lucky Star productions are the bizarre Bruce Lee Against Supermen and Fists of Bruce Lee.
