Bullet Points: The Gorge (2025)

Action/sci-fi/horror has been my jam for as long as I can remember and when I saw the first trailer for The Gorge last year, I was getting some serious old-school John Carpenter vibes. It also happens to star a couple of my favorite young actors going today (Anya-Taylor Joy and Miles Teller) so I thought it as good a time as ever to sit down with a few of my favorite Long Drinks (the cranberry are my favorite) and get jump-scared by things in the dark, fogginess of THE GORGE!

Synopsis: Two highly-trained operatives become close after being sent to protect opposite sides of a mysterious gorge. When an evil emerges, they must work together to survive what lies within.

• The Big Three: I’m not talking about Lebron James’ time in Miami, I’m talking about our three main characters in The Gorge. One thing that is obvious straight away is that this film wasn’t going to have a massive cast. Hell, it’s about two characters essentially staring into a deep hole for two hours. First is Miles Teller’s Levi. Retired Marine sniper, did some work with some private contractors, and one hell of a nice guy. Next is Anya-Taylor Joy’s Drasa. She’s also an elite sniper but one that takes her orders from Russia. Then there is Sigourney Weaver’s boss-lady, Bartholomew. It could easily be the name of a cartoon mouse in a Disney film, but just seeing Sigs in a movie like this adds credibility to it.
• The Mission: Levi and Drasa both accept the mission because that’s the type of soldiers that they are. Neither of them know much at all about what is happening, including where in the world they are. We come along with Levi as he gets a quick briefing from the previous watchtower guard and then he’s on his own. “You need to stop what’s in the gorge from coming out.” That about explains it.

• Best Birthday Ever: As the two slowly fall into the pace of things and learn their roles in keeping the area safe, they begin to loosen up a bit. It starts with some friendly and flirtatious banter back and forth and then ends with some downright incompetence! I wonder how many times folks guarding these towers have been distracted by Euro-models on the other side of the gorge?
• So That’s What Those Things Are For: Once the gorge begins to be breeched, it’s all-out chaos! The machine guns stationed all along it open up and the two guards unleash hell with a couple of mounted .50 cals. It’s a gorgeous sight to behold. It’s also a wonder how the two towers look so pristine if this is something that happens relatively often. This is what you get for screwing around!

• You Had One Job: The two of them start getting too comfortable (and also very horny) and before you know it, m’fer is making a RPG grapplegun that would make Batman cum his pants. That shows you the lengths a guy will go to when he thinks there is a chance he could get laid. For two people so committed to their work that they’ll leave their lives and disappear for a year with no questions asked, they sure forget that shit fast when the inside of their underpants start getting moist. I’d like to think this isn’t the first time it’s happened in the history of the gorge but who the hell knows?
• Getting Deep in That Hole: As if I needed to say it….they are forced to go into the gorge. You probably thought I was going to make a comment about them banging, didn’t you? They did do that, but more importantly, their new romance has caused some serious issues with their work and now they’re fighting off skull spiders and fucking tree people on horses. Shit it totally out of control. The two of them put their skills to the test as they are forced to shoot their way out of some pretty sticky situations.

• Straydog: As the film draws to a close, we finally learn a bit more about what is going on in the gorge and just why it’s being contained. It’s all a little underwhelming, to be honest, and I think it was cooler when I didn’t know what was in the foggy bottom. Sigourney shows back up and we’re given even more exposition but the entire time you can tell that Levi is still thinking about that sweet forbidden Lithuanian flower he was tasting earlier. More fighting, this time with swords!

It’s been a while, how about some Bonus Bullet Points!:

• There is something about Anya-Taylor Joy and her tiny head.
• Sigourney Weaver has an open invitation to be in every movie like this.
• I felt back for the tree dudes.
• If this movie had been more popular it could have gotten one of those porn spoofs….still called The Gorge, though.

The Verdict: The Gorge felt like the perfect type of movie for me based on the trailer. That’s because it was. It never gets too deep and philosophical like Annihilation, and the characters were simple and mostly likable. The action, while sometimes ridiculous, was still very fun and there was never much doubt as to how the film would turn out. I think the biggest problem I had with the film was that it all wrapped up so easily and so neatly. The mystery of what was in there and what sorts of things were coming out of there is the best part and it was spoiled pretty early on. The Mist did it better, but this felt like a direct to video version of that with a mega budget. Hard to believe these types of movies ($70 million ) are being forgotten so quickly….no matter, you should check this one out. It was fun.