Bullet Points: Born to Raise Hell

Some people were born to be great. Some were born to be a star. Others were born to dance or fly or race or win. While others were born to kill.

In 2010, we found out that Steven Seagal was Born to Raise Hell…

• It’s Those Damn Drugs: Steven Seagal plays Bobby Samuels, an American cop who is part of the International Drug Task Force (or IDTF for those in the know) working in Bucharest. The IDTF was formed after the events of 9/11 and the discovery that it was drug money that helped finance Osama bin Laden’s attacks on United States soil. Bobby recently lost his partner at the hands of a ruthless drug dealer named Costel. Tracking down Costel is Bobby’s top priority now and he is going to get to do so with his new partner Steve, who we learn is months away from becoming a first time father which is code for he’s probably not going to make it. Things don’t start well for Steve either, who has a rough first day on the job.

• The Chosen One: Selecting a Steven Seagal movie that was released post 2001 is akin to walking across a mine field, one misstep and you will be in a world of hurt. When I realized that Costel was played by Darren Shahlavi (Bloodmoon) I instantly felt more confident in my Born to Raise Hell selection. Not surprisingly Shahlavi is the highlight of the movie, he is also the lowlife of the movie… Costel uses beautiful women to transport narcotics from Romania to the UK, he does business with gangsters and he is really into home invasions, where he rapes the woman of the house (sometimes before they are killed, sometimes after).
• Big Fish, Little Fish: Normally in police investigations, the authorities will use a “little fish” to catch a “big fish”, well Steven Seagal flips the script (that he wrote by the way) and uses Dimitri, a high profile mob boss that supplies Costel with the drugs he trafficks, to catch Costel. It starts with an ill-fated stake out (another L for Steve). The ball really gets rolling when the cops pull Dimitri over him and take him in, advising that Dimitri is a person of interest in an ongoing conversation. Dimitri plays it super cool, then smashes his own head into the window so he can claim police brutality if needed… Dimitri isn’t in custody long, but he’s there long enough to have a conversation with Bobby, where Bobby gives Dimitri the 411 on the kind of disgusting human being that Costel is.

• In Da Club: Dimitri is looking to cease his business relationship with Costel, both because of what he heard from Bobby and because Costel has been late with his money… Dimitri and his men go to Costel’s nightclub to have a discussion. Dimitri tells Costel that he is going to need all the money that Costel owes him by tomorrow or else, Costel is a dead man. As he leaves, Dimitri mentions that if the stomach turning shit he has heard about Costel is true, he’ll kill Costel himself… This sets Costel off, so he and he gathers his crew because it is home invasion time, but it isn’t just any home, they are going to go to Dimitri’s home! During the invasion, Dimitri’s wife is killed by Costel’s right hand man Dada and Dimitri’s young son almost has a worse fate at the hands of Costel himself.. but Dimitri returns home with his security detail in the nick of time… But Costel is not done being a horrible human being, the IDTF catch up with him at the Aces n Eights Club and Steve is shot in the neck and dies… just like it was telegraphed earlier in the movie.
• Let’s Make a Deal: Dimitri returns to the police station and asks to speak to Robert Samuels, the two meet in Samuels office, which is really just a corner at the bottom of the stairs. Dimitri says he will tell Bobby everything he knows about Costel and even tip them off to where Costel is hiding IF Bobby will turn a blind eye to what Dimitri does to Dada, the man who killed his wife (something that was confirmed by his son, who sadly was present when Dada gunned down his mother). Now Bobby can’t agree to such a deal in their current setting, but he does slip Dimitri his card to let him know he’s on board. Later we do get to see the Bobby and Dimitri team up, where Bobby helps Dimitri get his revenge on Dada before the final showdown between Bobby and Costel!

I survived another Steven Seagal DTV experience. And honestly if we are going by the rule of thumb that bad guys make or break an action movie, then Born to Raise Hell has to be a higher end of the scale due to Shahlavi’s excellence. Action wise, there are some good shoot outs in the movie… while the hand to hand combat scenes are edited in such a way to make it look like Seagal is doing more than he actually is. There’s no denying that Seagal gets maximum results with seemingly minimal effort in his fight scenes.

Let’s take this review to the max, by including some Bonus Bullet Points…

• Offensive Quote: “Midgets are a little short, money should never be.” – Dimitri to Costel
• Name that Tune: Debussy’s “Clair de Lune” can be heard playing in Dimitri’s palatial home.
• Out of Context Quote: “See why I hate eating out.” – Bobby to his girlfriend
• Abuse of Power: Go figure that Seagal, who I will remind you wrote the movie, wrote himself in a naked girlfriend and a love scene with said naked girlfriend. Seagal did at least have the decency to remain fully clothed for the proceedings. The whole “romantic” subplot was completely unnecessary.