The Definitive Answer to the Die Hard Christmas Conundrum

There are far too many things in this world for us to argue about; religion, politics, Nickelback, thick or thin crust, and whether you’re a tits or an ass man. In fact, we’ve spent a majority of our lives surrounding ourselves with people who disagree with us on some major issues. Whether you’re in school, working a job, or maybe even spending time in the slammer, you probably don’t share the same ideals and morals as those around you.

That doesn’t mean we have to disagree on everything. Some things in life aren’t meant to drive us apart. Sure, one person’s politics might sound worse to me but I think we can all agree that politicians in general are gross. The same could be said for most things in life. It doesn’t always have to be one way or the other. Guess what? I like tits and asses!

Which brings me to the question of the day….is Die Hard really a Christmas movie?

Before we begin, don’t send me the Bruce Willis clip of him at the Roast talking about it not being a Christmas movie. I know. I saw what was said and it matters not. The answer to the question posed is yes…it is a Christmas movie. Let me explain:

Exhibit A: Upon a recent re-watch of this Action Classic, I discovered no less than 20 references to the merry holiday of Christmas. Everything from Christmas parties, to songs, to sweaters, to characters bringing up gifts for their children and vacations over the holiday. We’re not talking about one singular Christmas tree in the background and a string of lights in the town like in First Blood, this is a serious amount of screentime.

Exhibit B: It’s a Christmas party that is the epicenter of the heist! People gather for parties and afterhours security is relaxed. It’s the perfect recipe for disaster for those at Nakatomi Plaza. Mr. Takagi has all sorts of money and bonds and whatever stashed in the vault down below and Hans Gruber and company take advantage of the holiday party as a major distraction to fulfill their plan.

Exhibit C: Christmas is crucial to the plot of the film. I would argue that having a tree or a singular mention of Christmas in the film doesn’t make it a “Christmas movie”. The difference here is that the season is absolutely pivotal to the plot and the tone of the film. I already mentioned that there are at least 20 different mentions to X-Mas in the film and most of them feature heavily into what was happening on screen.

Exhibit D: John McClane has the worst luck of any fictional character. He’s always in the wrong place at the wrong time and it’s lucky for anyone not named John because he’s heroic and badass enough to fix the situation with less loss of life. Being Christmas works so well for John because it should be the one time of year that he can let his guard down and relax a bit. I probably would have kicked the holiday gimmick for one of the sequels and had him on a honeymoon or something. That would have also worked since it is usually a time where you spend more time with your pants down than you do being ready for combat. But Christmas is the ultimate American holiday. Forgetting the very important religious aspect of the holiday (sorry heathens), it’s full of capitalistic greed and pretty disgusting to think about the amount of waste we choose to ignore.

Exhibit E: So much Christmas music. Just the songs that I remember include John whistling ‘Jingle Bells’, Al singing ‘Let it Snow’, ‘Ode to Joy’ playing in the vault scene, and ‘Let it snow’ playing during the end credits. You can’t ignore all this, folks!

I think that just about does it. If you’re still reading this I welcome your opinion in the comments below. It seems like this whole question as to whether or not this is a Christmas movie has only come about because of social media and that makes me a little sick. We used to not care about this shit and just appreciate the film for what it is; one of the most influential action movies of all time. It’s like The Beatles of action films. It might not be the best or the most ground breaking but it’s awful hard to find another action flick after it that didn’t borrow at least something from it. Die Hard is a Christmas movie and now we can all stop arguing all the time. World peace!