Ranked: Arnold Schwarzenegger – 80’s Edition
The Arnold is back! This weekend tens of thousands will descend on Columbus, Ohio for the 2024 Arnold Sports Festival.
We are celebrating the return of The Arnold with a look back at some true Arnold classics. Today, the staff of Bulletproof Action is counting down Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1980’s action filmography along with some help from our friends… physical media guru, Andrew Babcock, The Cinema Drunkie himself, Robb Antequera, and Will Slater from Exploding Helicopter.
Let me throw it to my colleague Chad Cruise to get this countdown started…
Chad Cruise: I am not surprised at all that this film landed at the bottom of the list for Arnie. It’s one that even he thought was shit. The truth is, though, that I’ve never believed that to be true and this has always held a certain charm in my eyes. The saddest part about the Red Sonja film is that we were left speculating that Arnold’s character was actually Conan instead of just being straight out told. Nevertheless, it’s far more entertaining than some of the stuff at the tail end of his action run and I can’t get over how great Ernie Reyes Jr. was in it. 9 year old me thought he’d be the biggest star in Hollywood by now.
Chris the Brain: I will always have a soft spot in my heart for this movie. A big reason for that is I actually saw Conan the Destroyer BEFORE I ever saw Conan the Barbarian. So as a kid, Conan the Destroyer was a fun adventure movie with Conan leading a ragtag group of crazy characters on a mission to rescue a princess. And my enjoyment was probably the reaction the studio was hoping for when they made the controversial decision to make a PG rated Conan film. You get the kids, then you can get the action figures, toy swords, coloring books, etc. and that’s when the money really starts to roll in. As an adult, I can see why fans of Conan the Barbarian and of the Conan character in general, were less than enthusiastic about the toned down Conan the Destroyer.
Chris the Brain: I feel like 1986’s Raw Deal gets a raw deal from action fans. It is definitely different than Arnold’s other efforts during the decade of decadence. Raw Deal has a story a bit more grounded in reality with Arnold going undercover to take down the mobsters that killed his friend’s son. But while it is different than Arnold’s other 80’s efforts, it doesn’t mean the action is lacking. There are some quality action scenes including a quarry shoot out featuring the Rolling Stones classic, “[I Can’t Get No] Satisfaction”… admittedly I am a sucker for a good quarry scene, so that may give Raw Deal a boost in my eyes.
Another boost where Raw Deal is concerned is the top notch supporting cast, that includes the likes of Sam Wanamaker, Darren McGavin and two men who are no strangers to the action genre, Robert Davi and Ed Lauter. Arnold himself has said that after completing Raw Deal and working with Director John Irvin, he became a better actor.
Will Slater: No genre was more synonymous with the Eighties than the buddy cop movie. Whether it was Lethal Weapon, Tango & Cash, or Beverly Hill Cop, audiences couldn’t get enough of explosive thrillers where the heroes were two contrasting personalities forced to work together. So, it was inevitable that Arnie would try to get a piece of the box office action.
In many ways, Red Heat should have been a slam-dunk classic. With its topical, glasnost-inspired plot and ‘East meets West’ cop pairing, the film had an intriguing and fresh premise. And who better to write and direct than Walter Hill – the man who basically kicked-off the buddy cop boom with 48 Hours (1982). Yet, Red Heat fails to fully realise its potential. While Schwarzenegger (as the taciturn Soviet cop) and Jim Belushi (as the acerbic wiseass) seem like perfect casting, the chemistry between them never quite catches fire. Arnie could do deadpan humour (see the Terminator films), but here he’s painfully wooden, and Belushi Junior – always a strong flavour – is particularly grating. It doesn’t help that there aren’t memorable one-liners. It leaves the resulting film as something of a middling effort. Not so much Red Heat as Red Lukewarm.
Chad Cruise: This one is as epic as a film gets. The score, the cinematography, the fireside witch sex, it all comes together to make one of my favorite fantasy movies of all times. Arnold couldn’t have landed a better role to start off his career and this one gives him an opportunity to flex his acting chops almost as much as his muscles. Who am I kidding?? This one is all about the brutal cleaving shots with axes, dudes getting their limbs severed by long ass swords, and giant snakes being decapitated. They don’t make shit like this anymore because no one in Hollywood has the balls to punch a camel in the face for fear of being cancelled! I can’t wait till they reboot this series with Timothy ‘Dune’ Chamalamadingdong and we have to pretend he’s some sort of action star. Take me back to 1982 and leave me there!
Robb Antequera: As I’m sure you already know, Arnold Schwarzenegger was an action god back in the 80s. If you’re here, that doesn’t need to be explained to you. There’s a wealth of evidence proving just that. Films such as The Terminator. Commando. Predator. All masterpieces of action cinema. However, I do feel like one of his films from that era always gets left out of the conversation, and that bugs me. I’m talking about his 1987 effort, The Running Man.
Why does it bug me? Because it completely encapsulates everything we’ve come to know and love about Schwarzenegger as an action legend. While the aforementioned classics are arguably better movies, The Running Man is quintessential Schwarzenegger. It’s filled to the brim with puns, gratuitous violence, explosions, excessive shots of Schwarzenegger biceps, and cameos from Schwarzenegger bros Sven-Ole Thorsen, Franco Columbu, and Jesse Ventura.
It also features a story that’s eerily relevant, and an entertaining villain in Richard Dawson’s Damon Killian, who is such a perfect sleazebag that when he meets his inevitable demise, it’s such a crowd pleasing moment that it deserves the loudest cheers. All in all, The Running Man is a highly underrated entry in Schwarzenegger’s legendary filmography that’s more than worthy of the utmost respect.
Chris DePetrillo: When I was talking to Chris the Brain about this list, I mentioned that I could do a Terminator write-up in my sleep. Yet here I sit, wondering what I could say about a movie that’s been talked about for forty years now? What else could I contribute to that conversation? The Conan films made Arnold an action star, but it was The Terminator that made him a pop culture icon.
I can remember as a little kid, watching The Terminator on my VHS tape that had Revenge of the Ninja taped before it, thinking about how badass the whole scenario was. Forget whatever Star Wars was doing with Droids and Ewoks or whatever…THIS is the type of robot warfare I wanted, even at a young, impressionable age. I’d like to tell you that I wore that tape out, but I can’t, since it’s still going strong four decades later…just like how Arnold took The Terminator from an imposing, menacing killer to one of the most enduring, recognizable characters in movie history. Over the years I’ve seen all the sequels, read Terminator comics, had Terminator toys (remember when R-rated entertainment got turned into toy lines? Pepperidge Farm Remembers!), but nothing that came after it, not even T2 (which I loved so much I even rocked a T2 t-shirt at age 12) takes me back the way that watching The Terminator does. It’s like I’ve been sent back in time too, just for way less homicidal reasons than ol’ Arnie was back in 1984
Andrew Babcock: If ever there was a movie that was a snapshot of the over the top 1980’s, Commando would be one of the prime examples. Arnold saw what his rival Sly was doing with Rambo and gave us his own “one man army” in John Matrix. The former military hero, living a a quiet, secluded life with his daughter (Alyssa Milano), doing everything you would think a father daughter would do… from fishing, to lifting tree trunks. Til the daughter gets kidnapped, and then all hell breaks loose.
Every action scene is a highlight as Matrix tracks down a memorable cast of baddies, some of whom used to be his buddies. Vernon Wells, Bill Duke, David Patrick Kelly, & Dan Hedaya all bring their characters to life. Throw in the screaming, unvoluntary sidekick in Rae Dawn Chong and more one liners per minute than any movie ever (it’s a fact), and you have yourself the blueprint for what makes 80s action cinema so awesome. One that wouldn’t be complete without an equally awesome score and soundtrack, which it has as well. Commando is a movie that could only exist in the time it did, but that is probably why so many of us still go back to it, time and time again.
Matt Spector: Predator is at the top of many lists of best action movies of all time, let alone Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. A special operations team going on a rescue mission in the jungle might have the most perfectly casted group of actors Arnold’s has ever worked with, and he still easily outshines them all. Perhaps having known action actors but not really leading men like Carl Weathers, Jesse Ventura and Bill Duke play along with Arnold helps, but it doesn’t matter, they are perfect in their roles. One of the greatest and most memorable villains in cinema, the Predator is the idea foil for Arnold’s Dutch to go one on one. Even people that are not versed in action movies are familiar with the look of the Predator, and I know people personally that have shouted “get to the chopper” even though I know they don’t know what movie it is famous from. Just like Little Richard sings in the memorable helicopter scene, the only thing you can say when watching Predator is “havin’ me some fun tonight.”
