Bullet Points: Taxman

There is a lot of disagreement about a lot of different things all over the world. However, there is one thing that is pretty much universally agreed upon. Nobody wants to pay taxes. But do people want to watch a movie about a taxman? When said taxman is Joe Pantoliano in a movie called Taxman I would say yes.

• It’s All About Benjamin – Joe Pantoliano stars as New York State Tax Department investigator Al Benjamin. I see we are going with on the nose character names., got it. Benjamin doesn’t like his job because it is not exciting, so that is why he tries to catch a big fish. His investigation leads him to some shady dealings with the Russian mob in Brighton Beach. When dead bodies start showing up, it is pretty obvious Benjamin is on the right track.
• Today, Junior – The NYPD homicide detectives want nothing to do with Benjamin and his superiors want nothing to do with a homicide investigation, but officer Joseph Romero (Wade Dominguez) sees something in the case. Romero speaks a little Russian, but that was the only reason he was at the murder scene. He is looked down upon by his superiors because he can’t drive or shoot well, two things cops need to do. Dominguez on the other hand was a great fit for the quirky Romero and could have led him to become a star. He sadly passed away from an AIDS related illness before the movie was released.

• Mission to Mars – The Russians are involved with stealing tax from gas stations in small transactions that happen multiple times per day adding up to hundred of millions of dollars. It is all too technical and we really don’t know who the bad guy is, but I know Casey Siemaszko as Topolev is up to no good. The gas stations are known as the Metropolitan Amalgamated Refinery Services or M.A.R.S. for those in the know. Benjamin realizes he must get to the competitor of M.A.R.S. and we are introduced to Andre Rubakov (Michael Chiklis) and his daughter Nadia (Elizabeth Berkley). Jessie Spano speaking Russian, who would have thunk it.
• I Can’t Recommend a Good Bathhouse – When Andre takes three slugs to the gut while enjoying the niceties of a Russian bathhouse he realizes that maybe he should help Benjamin and Romero. However, Taxman decided there should be a wedding intermission as we get to see Nadia’s wedding and reception. Anyone that has seen Elizabeth Berkley’s filmography knows she is a top notch dancer, but seeing Joey Pants cut a rug was worth the price of admission.

• Hollywood Shuffle – It was after the wedding and around half way through Taxman that I thought to myself, “I was told Robert Townsend was in this movie.” Sure enough, when Benjamin and Romero need a prosecutor to bring a case against the Russians we are introduced to Robert Townsend’s Peyton Cody. He doesn’t want anything to do with the pair, but after an impassioned plea from Benjamin while Cody is on the shitter and the chance to take down a major oil company, Cody is on board.
• Iced – Just when everything is going great, Andre gets shot and killed at an ice rink. And while it was sad to lose an interesting character like Andre, it directly led to a chase through Coney Island so I would say his family’s loss was the audience’s gain. However, his death also pretty much has killed the case. The only ones who don’t believe that are Benjamin and Romero and their impromptu platonic dinner date at the post office leads to the big break. 

After watching Taxman, I still don’t want to pay any taxes, but at least I got an entertaining movie out of it. The action scenes are minimal, but very exciting when they happen and happen in unique places like the bathhouse, ice rink and Coney Island. The finale in Miami was also a nice surprise. Joe Pantoliano and Wade Dominguez both shine as opposites that are attracted by the common goal and hearing Berkley, Chiklis, et al. speaking with Russian accents was fun. Speaking of fun, how about we end these Taxman Bullet Points with some Taxman Bonus Bullet Points.

• Don’t Sell Yourself Short Quote – “Everybody hates the taxman.”
• Familiar Faces – Benjamin’s boss was played by Mike Starr from such BPA movies as Nasty Hero and The Last Dragon. It was nice to see Fisher Stevens and surprisingly he wasn’t doing an accent.
• If You Ever… – Wanted to see Michael Chiklis tell a joke while getting a rub down in a Russian Bathhouse than Taxman is for you. If you prefer he tells the same exact joke at a wedding than Taxman is also for you.
• Missed Opportunity – Taxman, in my mind, erred by not having “Taxman” by The Beatles on the soundtrack. Of course, I don’t have to pay the royalty fee.