Bullet Points: The Unbreakable Bunch (2023)
If the idea of professional wrestling legends battling aliens sounds intriguing to you, then The Unbreakable Bunch is probably the movie for you.
If the idea of professional wrestling legends battling aliens sounds awful to you, then The Unbreakable Bunch is definitely not the movie for you.
As a professional wrestling fan for nearly four decades, I fell in the former category…
- Night of the Creeps: The movie begins with a couple making out in the front seat of their vehicle that’s parked out in the middle of nowhere. The hot and heavy session is interrupted when the two lovers are distracted by a meteor that crashes into the nearby woods. The couple get out of their vehicle to investigate and when they find the meteor, they instantly start thinking about how much the University would pay for a scientific discovery like this. But they realize they are going to need some equipment to haul it away so they head back to their vehicle… but they aren’t alone. The woman has been infected by an alien lifeform that arrived on Earth with the meteor and now she is some sort of zombie like creature with glowing eyes. It isn’t long before she jumps her man’s bones and turns him too!
- Blood and Thunder Tour: Years after the meteor crashed down in Valencia County, Florida, professional Wrestler/ Elvis impersonator, Burnin’ Love is being interviewed by a reporter and he serves as a narrator of sorts recounting the tale of he and his friends battling space invaders. Burnin’ Love was played by Luther Biggs… a longtime wrestler, who admittedly was mid-tier at best, with stints in WCW and TNA. Biggs is also wrestler I had ZERO recollection of… so this got The Unbreakable Bunch off to a bit of a rough start for me. BL tells the reporter about his friend, Jock Holiday (played by Ray Lloyd aka Glacier) and Jock’s tag team partner who was killed in an automobile accident. After losing his tag partner, Jock took it upon himself to look after his partner’s widow and daughter… and when they find themselves in financial trouble, Jock decides he’s going to gather up as many of his wrestling friends as he can and they are going to raise money for them the best way they know how… and just like that, the Blood and Thunder tour was born.
- Legends Roll Call: Jock starts recruiting his friends starting with King Tonga (played by Tonga Fifita aka Haku aka Meng). Tonga was the highlight of the movie for me, I loved every second that he was on the screen. It’s probably because I have been a fan of his for years, dating back to when he slammed Big John Studd and all the way up to him reacting to the Shockmaster on Dark Side of the Ring… Next up was Mac Brown (played by Ernest “The Cat” Miller of Blood and Bone fame)… Jock then finds Legend in his natural habitat, the golf course. Legend (played by Larry Zbyszko) is on board since he needs a break from golfing… We then meet the youngster of the group, Alexander the Great (played by the non-wrestling legend Nicholas Logan) and driving them all around in an RV (named the Pistol Pez Express) is Burnin’ Love. They hit the road and the movie starts looking like a documentary of the Southeastern United States indy wrestling scene.
- You Can’t Go Home Again: When the Blood and Thunder tour makes its way back to Florida, the guys enjoy a festival taking place in Valencia County, Florida and it isn’t long before they realize that Florida is not the same place it was when the tour began. The guys and Jock’s new lady friend, Amanda, soon find themselves fighting an entire army of zombie aliens all over Valencia and this is where the fun really kicks in. As the wrestling crew took out alien after alien, I knew this is why I wanted to watch The Unbreakable Bunch. I especially loved that Legend’s weapon of choice was a golf club and the heavy artillery that was brought out for the finale. The third act is also where more wrestling legends get in on the action… like Stan “The Lariat” Hansen (No Holds Barred), Missy Hyatt, Ron Reis (aka The Yetti) and David Heath (aka Gangrel)!
The Unbreakable Bunch was a unique mix of nostalgia… both pro wrestling nostalgia and old school sci-fi nostalgia… a combination I could have never predicted. As I said at the start of this post, you will know if The Unbreakable Bunch is a movie you should check out or not before you even hit play, so you don’t need me to tell you.
BUT, you do need me to tell you to check out these Bonus Bullet Points…
- If You Ever: …wanted to see Larry Zbyszko, Glacier, Haku and Ernest “The Cat” Miller be thoroughly entertained by a pizza eating contest, then The Unbreakable Bunch is the movie for you.
- Familiar Faces: Diamond Dallas Page has a scene in the movie where he gets into a brief bar skirmish when he is interrupted while giving his boy Jock some sage advice… Among the army of zombie aliens that the wrestling legends need to vanquish, I couldn’t help but recognize up and coming independent wrestler, Justin “PacMan” Xavier! I have had the privilege of calling some of Justin’s matches thanks to my work with Spot Monkey Promotions and I can’t wait for the big Justin Xavier vs. Aaron Williams grudge match in Batavia, Ohio on December 6th!
- Sequel Tease: After Burnin’ Love finishes his wrestlers vs. aliens story, he mentions to the reporter that they also had a run in with Sasquatch! I smell a sequel!!
