Two Girls With Green Eyes

Who can blame the elderly David Lo Pan for wanting to marry two beautiful women. It seems like the perfect situation for any man, especially one who is looking to turn from his ghostly immortal self into a human with feelings and all those positive things that come with having blood flowing through your veins. It seemed that Mr. Lo Pan had been waiting hundreds of years for just the right woman to cross his path and when it finally happened, he with gifted with two such beauties instead of just one.

Despite looking like a Macy’s storeroom mannequin and screaming like a banshee for half of the film, Kim Cattrall lit a fire in David Lo Pan’s loins that even a limited amount of magic couldn’t control. Of course he was planning on marrying Kim and Suzee Pai with the intention of then sacrificing Kim and keeping Suzee as his bride, but even his perverse style of the fuck/marry/kill game is quite impressive for a dude who could barely move the frail ass frame he called a body.

Suzee Pai’s Miao Yin had barely stepped foot on American soil when she was snatched up by the Lords of Death, a group of Chinese gangsters who should definitely start a heavy metal band. One look at the adorable Pai should give you enough evidence as to why Lo Pan and his goons snatched her up and planned on having her as his green-eyed bride.

Big Trouble in Little China is one of my favorite films of all time. It’s my go-to picture when I want something on in the background while I’m doing something. I’ve seen it so many times that I don’t need to watch it to enjoy it. Kurt Russell and Dennis Dun are great together as the heroic duo but the supporting cast consisting of the two lovely ladies above and James Hong and Victor Wong are absolutely amazing. It’s the type of film that could and should never be remade. But then again, I said the same thing about Red Dawn.