Bullet Points: All About the Money

One of my favorite sub-genres of action that I don’t watch as much as I should is the action/comedy. Whether it’s the Rush Hour series, the underrated Sahara, or pretty much anything starring Eddie Murphy, the segment of movies that seeks to make you laugh equivalent to the amount of death and destruction offered is one that begs watching more often than my current rate.

It was a conversation about Eddie Griffin with a friend that brought All About the Money to my attention. I had never heard of the title or seen the trailer before but when I saw Griffin’s name alongside Casper Van Dien and Danny Trejo I thought that it certainly sounded intriguing. What I didn’t expect is that none of the actors listed above would even be my favorite character from the film.

Synopsis: Three friends living different but no less pathetic lives than one another, decide to travel down to Columbia for one last hurrah while they still have access to the credits cards about to be taken by the soon-to-be ex-wife. It is only after arriving in a small South American town that Vincent (Blake Freeman) tells Kurt (Casper Van Dien) and Christopher (Eddie Griffin) that his plan is to seek out a Colombian drug lord with a massive bounty on his head. The three bumbling idiots soon find that their lack of any military training and overall incompetence could make it difficult to kill one of the world’s most wanted men.

• Not a Sequel: I’ve never seen the film All About the Benjamins but my guess is that it is either a movie starring Ice Cube or a fish out of water tale about Hugh Grant and his family of high society douchers who end up in West Virginia or something. All About the Money ended up being a totally different movie and probably much funnier than my greatest expectation.

• Best Friends: Our three main characters are introduced in a similar fashion to the guys from Half Baked. Come to think of it, the biggest difference between the boys in this movie and Dave Chapelle and his friends is that the guys in this one aren’t smoking weed from start to finish. A little coke here and there, maybe, and a few puffs on the old magic dragon, but there isn’t an entire scene involving them freaking out because of a potent batch of green stuff. There is, however, a scene of the friends as kids to help showcase just how little they have changed from when they were ten. It’s kinda sad if you think about it.

• Colombia, Mexico: One of my favorite things about All About the Money is just how stupid the characters are. It’s probably their most defining characteristics as people! Most of the movie is spent with them talking about being in Mexico or calling all of the locals Mexicans. Maybe the fact that Danny Trejo was there threw them off a bit.
• The Actors: Writer/Director/Star Blake Freeman added so much to the hijinks. I had never seen him in anything before but I will say that the banter between him and Eddie Griffin had me cracking up for most of the film. Speaking of Griffin, a performance like this one, which most definitely played directly to his strengths as an actor, made me reminisce briefly about where he’s been since Undercover Brother. Casper Van Dien pretty much plays their other down-on-his-luck friend who ends up essentially working for the drug lord and falling in love with criminal’s daughter (a very hot daughter, I might add). I was expecting something different from Van Dien, to be honest. I had seen the Netflix Adam Sandler movie about him being a secret agent or something and expected CVD to pull one of those but he played it straight the entire time.

• The Drug Biz: Who would see a massive reward on a drug lord’s head and immediately think that it was a good idea to track that person down? Well, I did say that the guys in this movie were dumb as hell and when you factor in just how desperate and depressed they were, it all combined to make the perfect storm of an idiot to try it. Danny Trejo plays the number two to the drug lord and the three friends get an opportunity to see Trejo kill some people in some very unique and terrifying ways.
• Quotes out the Yin Yang: All About the Money has some fun action-packed scenes in it. It has a great training montage where actor Jon Gries (most famous for Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite) trains Griffin and Freeman how to not be killed in two seconds when they attempt to go after the drug lord. Between the three main guys and Jon Gries, there are so many hilarious quotes that I couldn’t write them down fast enough.

Greed is good…and so are Bonus Bullet Points:

• Eddie Griffin is frightening as a white man.
• Seeing a chick with a dangling schlong is even more frightening.
• I wonder how many fake Danny Trejo heads have been made in the past 10 years?
• Favorite Quote: “Quieter than a virgin’s queef.”

The Verdict: I loved the film! It was funny at times and hilarious at others. The characters all had scenes where they were my favorite at some point and writer/director/actor Blake Freeman has to be blowing up soon. Eddie Griffin was back to his old funny self, and turned into quite the badass at the end of the film. As a fan of Casper Van Dien, I would have liked for his character to have had more to do but he had enough screen time to still be enjoyable. Jon Gries nearly steals the show from everyone else as the crazy ex-special forces guy who just cannot be killed. If you’ve liked movies like Shanghai Noon, 48 Hours, Rush Hour, or any of those other movies that were equal parts funny and action packed, then you’ll enjoy the hell out of All About the Money.

By the way…. actress Ashley A. Thomas is scorching ass hot!