Bullet Points: Hired to Kill

Over the years actions stars have had a wide array of adversaries to contend with. Terrorists, ninjas, monsters, mobsters, aliens and psychopaths have done their best (or worst) to derail our favorite action heroes.

Our favorite Hollywood actors and actresses have plenty of adversaries to deal with too. There is father time. In a business that thrives on youth, the passing of time often means less and less opportunities for the veterans of the Hollywood game. For actresses there is the inequality of pay, a topic that has had some heated discussion in recent years. And for some talented people there is the dreaded villain known as TYPECASTING.

Brian Thompson knows all too well about typecasting. Thompson is probably most famous for his role as the maniacal Night Slasher in Cobra. Thompson spent much of his career playing the heavy in other movies like Lionheart, Fright Night Part II and Mortal Kombat: Annihilation.

But in 1990, Thompson would have the opportunity to go from movie villain to movie hero in Hired to Kill…

• The Premise: Brian Thompson plays mercenary Frank Ryan. Ryan is called upon by a member of the United States intelligence community Mr. Thomas (George Kennedy) to go on a highly classified mission to the Mediterranean country of Cypra. Michael Bartos (Oliver Reed) a general in the Cypra military, has staged a coup and has now turned Cypra into a dictatorship under his control. The United States government wants Bartos out, but want it done completely under the radar. Knowing that Bartos will have his guard up, Thomas devises a plan where Frank Ryan will pose as fashion designer Cecil Thornton. Thornton and a group of beautiful models will travel to Cypra for a photoshoot, capitalizing on Bartos’ affection for the arts and culture. What Bartos doesn’t know is the “models” are in actuality highly trained operatives on a mission to take him out.

• The Team: Frank is not exactly crazy about the idea or about having to work with Sheila (Barbara Lee Alexander or as she is known today, Barbara Niven) but the money is too good to pass up. It is alluded to that Frank and Sheila have had a rocky past, but both do their best to put that behind them as they scour the globe to assemble a team of beautiful women who have the physical strengths and skill sets to get the job done. One of the women is sprung from a Turkish prison, another was a former CIA agent and suspected Russian defector serving time at San Quentin, another was handy with a knife but living in a catatonic state in Italy after her family was raped and killed. Getting this rag tag group of women on the same page and ready for this mission might seem like an impossible task, but fortunately for Frank he has the power of the montage to help him. And just like that, Cecil Thornton and the lovely ladies who will be modeling his new line of clothes are off to Cypra to kick Michael Bartos’ ass.

• The Verdict: Hired to Kill is absurd. Hired to Kill is ridiculous. With its cast of colorful characters, a rare heroic opportunity for Brian Thompson, veteran actors like George Kennedy and Oliver Reed in key supporting roles, a few twists and turns along the way, a poolside cat fight and an action packed third act, Hired to Kill proved to be an absolute hidden gem! Brian Thompson made the most of his chance to play the hero, but fear not fans of Thompson’s bad boy characters. Frank Ryan is not a nice guy, he is rough around the edges to say the least. Years of doing the dirty work of men in power have left him jaded, but in the end he does the right thing and as they say all is well that ends well.

If you were like me and have slept on the over the top Hired to Kill for the past few decades, do yourself a favor and check this one out at your earliest convenience.

You can do yourself another favor by checking out these Bonus Bullet Points…

• If You Ever: …wanted to see Brian Thompson and Oliver Reed kiss, then this is the movie for you. To give this awkward moment some context, Reed’s Bartos is suspicious of Thompson’s Cecil Thornton. Bartos can’t believe Thornton can surround himself with beautiful women all day long and not be aroused. To sell his backstory that he is a homosexual, Thornton lays one right on the lips of Bartos, removing all doubt from Bartos’ mind.
• Confusing Quote: “In that country, taking a dump is political.”
• Familiar Face: José Ferrer has a small role in the film, playing the captured leader of the rebel forces looking to take back Cypra from the iron grip of Bartos. Fans may remember Ferrer from The Evil That Men Do, Dune and Bloody Birthday.
• If You Ever: …wanted to hear Brian Thompson sing happy birthday to George Kennedy, then this is the movie for you.
• Disturbing Quote: “I’ll put out my cigarettes on your nipples.”
• Directed By: Hired to Kill was directed by the somewhat infamous Nico Mastorakis.  Some of Nico’s other films include Ninja Academy, Death Street USA and The Zero Boys.
• If You Ever: …wanted to see Brian Thompson shoot a telephone to stop it from ringing, then this is the movie for you.
• Insulting Quote: “Honey you wouldn’t know an orgasm if it landed on your face.”
• Inspiration: I couldn’t help but wonder if the TV series Acapulco H.E.A.T. was inspired by the premise of operatives posing as models and photographers and fighting bad guys.