Bullet Points: G-Men from Hell

Quite often you will come across a movie that has one character or actor who really steals the show. Rarely will you find a movie where the entire cast are just killing it. This only happens when the cast is filled with veteran actors who know their place in the film (i.e. Predator.) One such movie in which every actor took turns stealing the show is 2000’s G-Men from Hell. The film has elements of action, comedy, and suspense mixed with a unique story, but the characters and the actors portraying them are what make this film shine. Luckily for you, I happen to have some Bullet Points for G-Men from Hell, but I don’t need any reason or rhyme. I’m sure there’s nothing you would rather do. We’re going down, party time, all your friends are going to be there too.

• G-Men, Good Deeds, and Gambits – The opening credits of G-Men from Hell are displayed in comic book form and not only shows some impressive artwork, but the panels are chock full of exposition that give the backdrop to the story. Two former FBI Agents (or G-Men if you will) Dean Crept (William Forsythe, Firestorm) and Mike Mattress (Tate Donovan) are two denizens of hell when we first meet them. Crept and Mattress do not believe they should be in hell because according to them they haven’t done anything bad. We learn that they were not the best agents who were involved in taking payoffs and not afraid to use a little violence and summarily murdered for their troubles. Crept and Mattress are able to steal a crystal from the devil that allows them to travel back to earth and in order to show they belong they only want to do good deeds. What better way for two former G-Men to do good deeds then by starting their own PI business?

• Goulet, Goldthwait, Galligan and Gary! Good God! – While Forsythe and Donovan are spot on as the two feds, the supporting cast is equally up to the challenge. If there is one character that steals the show from a group of show stealers it is Robert Goulet as the devil. Goulet brings his baritone infused campiness to a role that asks exactly for that. And he drives a cherry 1969 red Chevrolet Camaro! Buster Lloyd is the man behind the murders of Crept and Mattress and the character was masterfully played by Bobcat Goldthwait doing his best Bobcat Goldthwait impersonation. Crept and Mattress are able to get a modicum of revenge as they kill Buster twice, once as his human self, and once after his essence is transferred into a robot body. The two local police officers who are trying to find Buster’s murderer are Lt. Langdon (Gary Busey, Hooded Angels) and Dalton (Zach Galligan, Ice.) Langdon is the hardass veteran and he is not very fond of the rookie Dalton. In fact, Dalton doesn’t get much respect during the entire movie.

• Girls, Genius, and Goofs – I can’t leave out the lovely ladies of G-Men from Hell. There isn’t a movie I won’t watch with Kari Wuhrer (Berserker: Hell’s Warriors) and she doesn’t disappoint as Marete Morrisey, the moving company employee for one day turned secretary. Vanessa Angel (Firetrap) plays Gloria Lake, the rich, ditzy wife of Greydon Lake (Barry Newman.) Gloria thinks Greydon is trying to kill her for her money and hires Crept and Mattress to find out for sure, only it is Greydon who ends up murdered. I don’t want to spoil too much of the surprise ending, but you can be confident that Dr. Boifford’s (David Huddleston) experiments and his assistant Martin (Charles Fleischer) and Martin’s hand puppet Pete that has a mind of its own might be involved. If all this sounds like it is kind of crazy, I didn’t mention Winiford aka Weenie Man (Paul Rodriguez) a fellow hellite that likes to narc to the devil against Crept and Mattress. The final wild character is Cheetah Man (Gregory Sporleder,) a superhero that is trying to rid his city of crime and whose actions intertwine with Crept and Mattress.

G-Men from Hell might sound like there is a lot going on, and there is. However, the actors are at the top of their game and bring it all together. There are equal parts action, comedy, and suspense, but there are two top notch fights taking place in Boifford’s lab and another in the office of Crept and Mattress featuring none other than Frank McRae (Licence to Kill.) Cheetah Man taking out robot Buster with a microwave to the head also can’t be missed. Give G-Men from Hell a go, it is good, I guarantee. I also guarantee this Bullet Points is not over until you get some Bonus Bullet Points!

• Origin Story – G-Men from Hell is based on the Michael Allred comic book series Grafik Muzik and the film is very faithful to the source material. Michael Allred is a very talented artist and writer and I suggest you check out one of his earlierst works in Grafik Muzik and also his contemporary projects.
• Whatever Floats Your Boat Quote – Gary Busey’s Langdon slams Zach Galligan’s Dalton up against the wall and yells, “I am a sadistic leather master homosexual and I will tease your sensibilities.” I bet that is not all he will tease if you ask.
• Don’t Be So Dismissive Quote – Langdon claims, “I don’t have a problem with pussies… as long as they stay out of my face.”
• It Runs In The Family (aka Not My Summer Story) – Christopher Coppola, brother of Nicolas Cage, nephew of Francis Ford Coppola, and cousin to Sofia Coppola, directedG-Men from Hell.
• Unfounded Rumor – There is no truth to the rumor that G-Men from Hell is just G-Men (1935) and From Hell (2001) spliced together, but I do recommend watching both of those films.
• Some Words to Leave You With From the Devil – “For me, Halloween never ends.”