Bullet Points: Joe Bullet

Promoting a movie as being banned can give a movie release some cachet with the movie going public. Just because a movie has been banned doesn’t mean that it is worth watching, but everyone once in a while a long banned film will be released and provides some action movie goodness. That is exactly what happened with the once banned South African film Joe Bullet that was collecting dust for over forty years before it was released. The reason Joe Bullet was banned to begin with was due to the terrible apartheid policies of the South African government not liking the all-African production and ever though it was eventually unbanned, it took a long time to get released. Luckily for you and me we can watch Joe Bullet without any hindrances and I just so happen to have some Bullet Points for the aptly titled Joe Bullet.

• My Good Friend – Joe Bullet stars Ken Gampu (Black Trash), one of the original superstars of South African film and one of the first to cross over into international films. Joe Bullet was Gampu’s chance to be the hero in a franchise and it plays like a South African Shaft with a coolness factor off the charts and his very own theme song. When you watch Shaft, you know that John Shaft is a private detective and understand why he is involved in the plot. When you watch Joe Bullet, you don’t know why everyone respects/fears Joe Bullet and wants his help. It is just that fact that he is the coolest dude in town, with his Mercedes convertible, bespoke wardrobe (with his houndstooth jacket turtleneck combo a personal fav) and his all around kickassery.

• The Eagles Have Landed – The Eagles are a soccer/football team that are one week from playing for the cup final. The two best players are Flash and Jerry and if you think those names are pretty awesome, Flash was played by Cocky Tlhotlhalemaje (whom you might also know as Cocky Two Bull). The soccer game in 1970s South Africa must have been big on money and low on rules, because a shady faceless (until the surprise ending) businessman only known as Boss wants Flash and Jerry to join the rival Falcons so he can win lots of money. Boss has the trainer of the Eagles murdered, tries to blow up the Eagles president and eventually kidnaps Flash and Jerry and the president’s daughter. All of this seems like a lot of effort (and a considerable expense) to ensure a Falcons victory. I guess you have to spend money to make money.

• When the Bullet Hits the Bone – Joe Bullet agrees to help the Eagles after a plea by Flash. I still don’t know what Joe Bullet’s qualifications are but the lackeys under Boss are really afraid of the man. Boss is forced to hire Spike (of course he is just as afraid of Joe Bullet) to assassinate Joe Bullet. Spike is a martial arts expert… but then again so is Joe Bullet. After a failed bombing attempt at Joe Bullet’s apartment, Spike and Joe meet on a train and we are treated to a brutal train fight. There are several fights in Joe Bullet and while they might not be technically impressive they are all fun. This is especially evident when Joe Bullet infiltrates the mine where Boss is holding Flash and Jerry. Any movie that features a fight that involves attempted death by Egyptian cobra is pretty hard to beat.

• Cup Finals for the Birds – The climax of Joe Bullet is concurrent with the Eagles cup finals appearance against the rival Falcons. The soccer/football action footage (with thanks to the Orlando Pirates F.C.) is sure to get all fans from casuals to ultras excited. However, the most excitement comes with the suspense of whether Flash and Jerry will make it to the match and which for which team they will be playing. There is a semi-surprise ending after we find out who Boss is and yes it is someone we met earlier in the film and no it is not that hard to guess. I don’t want to spoil anything about the ending, but I don’t know if I want to watch a movie in which the main character who has his own theme song doesn’t succeed.

Joe Bullet is a great peek to the beginning of all-African South African films. The film skews to the simplistic side (in terms of story, production value and acting) which is to be understood but in no way takes away from the enjoyment. Ken Gampu shows why he was one of the first South African actors to have international success and the rest of the cast is game. Joe Bullet probably wouldn’t be as famous if it never got banned but if frogs had wings they wouldn’t bump their asses. The Joe Bullet Bullet Points wouldn’t be complete without some Joe Bullet Bonus Bullet Points.

• Franchise Starter – Joe Bullet may have once been banned and shelved for forty years, but that didn’t stop the filmmakers from making a sequel with 1982’s Bullet on the Run.
• Best Disguise – Joe Bullet tricks some men trying to stop the Eagles by dressing up as an old man, complete with makeup and fake nose that came direct from the Shock G Humpty Hump collection.
• Worst Card Game – “If it’s black you get a beating. If it’s red make it quick.”
• Best Character Name – A friend of Joe Bullet is named Popeye and naturally he is the only character that smokes a pipe.
• Worst Character Name – The daughter of the Eagles president is named Beauty. Luckily she is one, but it is still a bad name.
• Out of Context Quote – “I’ll give you something that can spit, baby.”