Bullet Points: Triassic World
As a huge fan of the Carnosaur series from the early 90’s, I couldn’t help but watch The Asylum’s new knockoff Triassic World. I loved the Carnosaur movies so much because they made the attempt to be Aliens with dinosaurs. Let’s hope that Triassic World does their best to be Jurassic World with more ACTION!
Synopsis: Dinosaurs are being used to grow human organs for transplants. But the scientists that created them have to fight back when the creatures escape.
- Triassic: We meet up with the fine folks at Triassic as they are welcoming in a potential investor for their whole “breed dinos for their organs” business. I could have told you right away that it was a bad idea.
- The Staff: They mention that they have a bare-bones staff on hand because of the visit of the high profile, potential donor. That doesn’t make much sense. Even if they gave all the doctors and scientists the day off so they aren’t wandering around the halls, maybe you should have kept the security staff in tact! Just an idea…
- Let’s Talk About Security: How bad must this place have sucked if just 1 escaped dinosaur totally ruined their entire security protocol? Who knows how many they had in their custody but just one of them caused their whole place to fall into complete chaos. What a shit-show!
- Scene Size Up: Now that one of the dinos is loose and killing people, the meeting with the benefactor goes to hell. The thing bites a few folks and the remaining survivors hide away in the safe room. Too bad for them. Safe room it may be, but the entire place is designed to fill up with deadly gas after two hours of a breach. Yippee!
- What? Why?: We get an idea of why they’re doing this in the first place. The dinos are being bred/grown because they have some kickass immune systems (allegedly) and growing organs inside them for human transplant would make a boatload of money.
- Yikes: It doesn’t matter that the dinosaurs don’t look too terrible since the characters are written so poorly. None of them have a good thought throughout the entirety of the film. They just go from scene to scene reacting as a 100% stereotypical character would react. The corporate stooge wants more money, the progressive scientist is all about discovery, and the random unnamed people just get eaten. Nothing to see here at all.
- Chomp Squad: I was hoping that there would be enough gore and action to make this movie watchable but it just wasn’t the case. The film essentially becomes one of those tutorials on how to not survive a situation like this. They split up for most of the movie. They don’t even make an attempt to block off doors, and they can’t even manage to take out one of the dinos until the end.
- Chuck the Mighty: Dr. Charles draws first blood late in the movie. For what reason, I don’t know. It did nothing for the story and, to be honest, should have been done by the one security guy who was still living. The movie never kicks into that next gear to make it fun. It just stays in the zone where your interest is slightly gained but only because it’s the only channel that is not at commercial. Not what you want from a movie of this kind.
The Verdict: I really didn’t like this movie. There are typically things in Asylum films that I can enjoy but this one felt so lazy. The characters and their dialogue was just so damned stupid and the actors didn’t have the gravitas to keep it from falling into the lame zone. You’ve seen those movies where the characters only make dumb decisions? Yeah, this is that movie. They could have made up for it by throwing in a couple of good kills but it just didn’t happen. As much as I wanted to like it, it was a complete dud.
