Bullet Points: Ice Soldiers
I don’t know where I came across Ice Soldiers but I thought that this Canadian action flick sounded interesting and could make for a cool action movie. Plus, I love Soviet bad guys in action movies. There is no better option and the Cold War is still recent enough that you don’t have to spend too much time giving reasons why they’re bad, they just are. I will tell you that I did enjoy the movie, it wasn’t a total loss. There could have been way more action but it was still pretty cool for what it was. If you get the chance and you like taking a step back in time when there was still something to fear from the Soviet Union then by all means check out Ice Soldiers.
The Gist: In October of 1962, the American government was so focused on the Cuban Missile Crisis that they never knew that deep in the Canadian Arctic, a plane had crashed carrying three genetically modified Russian super soldiers whose mission was to terrorize New York City. Fifty years later they are found frozen in the tundra and when they awaken they resume their mission and kill anyone in their way. It is up to the scientist who found them, Dr. Malraux, to stop them from getting out of the Arctic.
The Cast: Dominic Purcell is a hard-looking man. His face looks worn and beaten and I feel like his pre-acting career was as a sparring partner for Mike Tyson. I guess it all kinda works for him in this movie as he’s supposed to be playing a 50 year old man. Michael Ironside played Michael Ironside; a military-minded leader who spouts out orders to his men and generally shows no other emotion except disdain. I was counting down the minutes from the time he was on camera to when he would be killed and I’m a little disappointed to say that his death was pretty underwhelming. I love me some Ironside and I want him to have the grandest death possible. The main female character in the film was in charge of the expedition to find the missing men in the Arctic and she was a lot tougher than I expected. She wasn’t the corporate sissy that you would expect from a film like this and it was a welcome addition.
It’s always good to see Ironside in a supporting role.
The Villain: The Soviets may have known all about genetic modification but they didn’t know shit about concealment and espionage. Wow…these three guys couldn’t have looked more Russian if you carved a hammer and sickle into their foreheads. Seeing these three guys walking into any town, let alone an American town in the 1960’s would raise a “red” flag (get it?). They finally wake up in the present and get about their terrorizing/raping ways. Seriously, do these guys have to rape every chick on set? Being frozen must have really made them horny. They don’t really have an opportunity to show many of their killing skills as most of it is done off screen, which is lame, and there aren’t many people running around the Arctic tundra to practice on. The three non-Russian playing the trio looked cool enough and I can imagine the casting supervisor just saying “find me some young Dolph Lundgren looking types!”
I love the bleached blonde look of the three Russian super-soldiers.
The Action: The action wasn’t too exciting, to be honest. We don’t get any big action set pieces, just a few neck snaps and gun shots here and there. They spend quite a bit of time on the Michael Ironside and female late characters only to abandon them halfway through the movie and focus primarily on Dominic Purcell. He was obviously the main dude and his origins were never a mystery but if they were just using every other character as fillers we could have gotten to the action sooner. There was also a Native Indian who helps Purcell but like the other characters he is fleshed out just enough to fulfill the purpose of leading us to the showdown between Purcell and Soviet guy #1. The showdown could have been much better. I had thought that when they finally faced off there would be some ass whooping dished out but it lasted a whole 90 seconds.
The frozen tundra offers the perfect setting for a showdown. There should have been more blood though. It would have offered a cool contrast to the white-out.
Take it Home:
- Favorite quote: While tracking the Russians the guide says they went this way, “How do you know?” “Cause I’m an Indian.” No further explanation necessary I guess.
- Soviet SOP: Guy #1 cuts the power, guy #2 takes out political leaders, guy #3 takes out the police force.
- History lesson: I thought the idea behind the movie was pretty cool. Soviet super soldiers were being sent into America to terrorize NYC while everyone was focused on the Cuban Missile Crisis. That sounds pretty legit. The problem is in the execution. They send three guys in…during the CMC. Why didn’t they just use the sleeper agents they probably already had in the city?
50 Shades of Ice
Rating: 3.25/5
