Bullet Points: Cyborg Conquest

I love when action movies teach me something. I am no science fiction expert when it comes to movies or in real life, but I have heard of robots, cyborgs, and androids. One term I never knew about was the term for a female android until I watched the action sci-fi movie Cyborg Conquest. A gynoid (with the counter-intuitive pronunciation of guy-noid) is a female android, or fembot if you prefer, and is something that I learned from a movie that is not only educational but also entertaining. Luckily for you, I just happen to have some Bullet Points for the 2009 film that is mostly entertaining, but also educational.

• Cyborg: Conquest of Paradise –  Cyborg Conquest opens with some news clips that are intended to provide some background on the evil android building terrorist Elliot Davros (Paul Le Mat). I suppose that the information is necessary for the plot, like how Davros (named by a Doctor Who fan?) is now out of prison, but I don’t care for news story exposition to open a movie. It was almost enough for one to turn off Cyborg Conquest… that is until the real first scene involves a gang of women robbing a bank and escaping on motorcycles. You have redeemed yourself, Cyborg Conquest. And if that isn’t enough for you, the gang is lead by Stacey Dash as a character named Lady.

• Mortal Cyborg: Conquest – Lady and the rest of the gang ride over to a small bar outside of New Orleans. The girls are headed to Mexico to enjoy the spoils of their robbery. The rednecks at the bar are not going to let the women enjoy their beers in a peaceful manner and some disrespectful comments escalate quickly from a bar fight to a full blown shootout. You know the male bar patrons are some bad dudes when they are looking to pick a fight with women. Turns out that all the men in the bar were actually androids, or cyborgs if you will and the women escape with some “dead” androids. Davros has been building an entire town of cyborgs and he is not very happy that Lady has some of his cyborg parts. Of course, Lady is not too happy that Davros has kidnapped some of the women.

• Conquest of the Planet of the Cyborgs – Lady and the remaining women formulate a plan to rescue the hostages and stop Davros who is trying to take over the world with his androids. In order to invade an entire town of androids, they need some firepower, and after visiting an ex-boyfriend of one of the ladies, they end up getting a complete arsenal capable of invading an android town. Next stop is to meet with Gator, and that means the audience is about to witness a killer car chase. Gator has a cool 1965 Plymouth Fury (although it has two too many doors) and the chase is capped off with a surprisingly gruesome ending. The gang make their way to a grocery store which leads to another shootout and I just want to take some time to acknowledge how awesome grocery store shootouts are. There is only one thing that tops a grocery store which of course is driving inside of a mall, and holy crap Cyborg Conquest has that too with androids getting slaughtered by the motorcycle driving women.

• Cyborg Conquest – The all out attack on the android town that we were all waiting for finally shows up and not only does it not disappoint. In fact, Cyborg Conquest goes even further with some over the top action set pieces that come as a real surprise. Keep in mind that a lot of what Cyborg Conquest wanted to do could not be fully realized with a smaller budget, but if you ignore some lesser VFX, you can enjoy the carnage. That is until the giant CG robot known as the 1000 or “a big fuckin’ robot” comes out for the final battle. It is not that the 1000 is the worst CG I’ve seen, it just seems out of place after watching an entire movie of realistic androids. The shootouts and explosions temper by disappointment.

Cyborg Conquest is the kind of action movie that you need to know what you are expecting going into… at least when it comes to expectations regarding story and effects. Leave your mind open when it comes to learning some new words, because you never know when they will show up. Cyborg Conquest has some surprises in its 93 minute run time and not all of the ladies that meet at the beginning will be there at the end… or will they? Cyborg Conquest is not for everyone, but if you enjoy a little science fiction sprinkled into your action movies and enjoy strong female characters, it just might be a movie with checking out. There is no doubt that the Bonus Bullet Points at the conclusion to the Cyborg Conquest Bullet Points are worth checking out.

• Also Known As – You might find Cyborg Conquest as Chrome Angles which immediately makes me think of the Gary Busey/Yaphet Kotto film Chrome Soldiers.
• Shock Casting – In a surprise performance, action movie legend Richard Lynch plays a mentor and positive influence to Lady in some flashbacks.
• Voight-Kampff – Who would have known that Blade Runner would play such an important role in understanding Cyborg Conquest?
• If You Ever – …Wanted to see a woman throw food at a man in a wheelchair while calling him a fucktard then Cyborg Conquest is for you.
• Jabbawockeez – Some, but not all, androids look like they might be members of a particular hip-hop dance crew.
• Best Retort to “What’s up?” – “The sun, the moon, the stars, and my boot up your ass.”