What Not To Watch: Legion (1998)

Legion is a movie that can be found streaming on Tubi. It is also a movie that you should not watch. Here’s why…

Synopsis: The story is set in the year 2036 and revolves around a special forces team led by Major Agatha Doyle (Farrell) formed from death-row prisoners and their ensuing mission. A former war hero on death row is offered the chance at a pardon if he will join the team and undertake their mission to infiltrate an enemy facility.

• A picture is not worth a thousand words: The poster for Legion might make it seem cool but don’t get roped in. This movie is a sad excuse for sci-fi, horror, and action all at the same time. The plot synopsis would also have you believe that there is some excitement to the film but that is only true if you find videos of people wandering aimlessly in the dark entertaining!

• Not enough Corey’s: It does have Corey Feldman but he’s both too old and not with his old buddy Corey Haim for this film. I doubt that would have helped much but it certainly couldn’t have hurt it much either. 
• War, what is it good for: This movie told me that it took place during the future and that there was some war going on. Who the two sides were or why they are fighting isn’t brought up but I’m sure it’s not that important. What is important, though, is to get as many stereotypical characters into this movie as possible. Normally, I’m a big fan of this method. The problem here is that they all kind of act the same way once they’re together. It should have been Soldier Boyz in space but instead it is just plain terrible. 

• A waste of a good Goddard: I love seeing Trevor Goddard (you may remember him as Kano from Mortal Kombat) in any movie but even more so in a movie where he plays some sort of badass soldier/asshole rapist. In fact, he may have played that type of character in every movie I ever saw him in. Legion wastes Trevor in a way that is irredeemable. You can’t just have the most memorable character of the first act of the film die off screen! What were they thinking? 

• Discount Halloween Mask Monster: I hate any movie that spends 95% of the film not showing me its “monster” and then totally drops the ball when it finally does. Legion really doesn’t play up the strengths of this killer in any serious way. We see it creep out on some of the actors with its lame Predator-vision but then the camera zooms in and the character is dead. Bullshit! 
• Actors and guns: I have nothing good to say about the actors in the movie other than none of them ruined the movie. It was ruined by all of the other stuff I mentioned above and there isn’t an actor alive who could bring a movie back from that deficit. The film attempted a few shootouts involving characters and even delivered a couple of terrible fist fights. Nothing positive worth mentioning, however, so I think I’ll just stop my bitching now. If you’re even still reading this….

The Verdict: Guess what? Legion isn’t worth watching. Everything about it lines right up with my wheelhouse (Aliens rip-off and whatnot) but it sucks to the point where I needed multiple attempts to view it and still almost turned it off to check The Weather Channel. Stay as far away from this as you can.