Bullet Points: Critters Attack!
The original Critters came out way back in 1986. Adorable little Chad Cruise was only 3 years old and had yet to experience the wonders of films where space creatures invaded the Earth in an attempt to eat up the human race. What a innocent little fool I was! Luckily, that has yet to happen (that we know of) and we’re still dreaming up scenarios where little furballs eat our limbs from our body while laughing hysterically all these years later.
Synopsis: Follows 20-year-old Drea, who reluctantly takes a job babysitting for a professor of a college she hopes to attend. Struggling to entertain the professor’s children Trissy and Jake, along with her own little brother Phillip , Drea takes them on a hike, unaware that mysterious alien critters have crash-landed and started devouring every living thing they encounter. via IMDB
- Welcome back Critters: Even if you haven’t seen any of the original Critters films, you still won’t be long when you put on Critters Attack! Some furry little aliens land in a small town and instantly start eating people. In fact, it seemed like the first third of the film is spent introducing characters who we know aren’t going to live for more than a few minutes.
- Drea: Tashiana Washington plays young Drea, a recent High School grad who dreams of going to a local, prestigious college that her mother once attended. She hasn’t been accepted into the school so she does the most logical thing; babysit the children of a high profile staff member at the college in order to earn favor. You have to appreciate the hustle that Drea has but it’s her first night watching the two “kids” (one both are between the ages of 10-15) and she brings her teenage brother with her. Kinda strange, I must say.
- Hairy situation: Despite her poor decision to bring her brother and her bad luck of living in a town invaded by aliens, Drea does a pretty darned good job of protecting the kids. I even thought that Washington’s performance was the best of the film. The character is clearly the strongest in the entire film and Tashiana plays it with a confidence that would normally come with and actress with a few more pictures under her belt. I don’t know if it’s easier sharing the screen with some tennis balls or these little creature designs?
- The invasion: The story of the film is essentially the survival of these teens. Led by Drea, they realize that something back at the college campus could help them not get killed and we’re treated to a few interesting characters who are most assuredly going to be eaten. Douchebag guy, and campus security guy have to be my favorites. Sadly, Critters Attack! is the first in the series to be Rated R but I don’t recall anything in the film that shocked or surprised me. If you’re gonna get an R rating, you might as well pack on the gore!
- Bounty Hunter: Veteran actress Dee Wallace returns to the series after starring in the original Critters but this time she plays a space bounty hunter named “DEE”. What a clever name! We get a couple of quick scenes of her learning of the invasion and then heading for ground zero with lots of weapons. They should have given us at least a scene or two of her kicked the shit out of some critters but it’s mostly left to our imagination until the final minutes of the film.
The Verdict: I was definitely let down by Critters Attack! I didn’t expect it to be Kurosawa or anything, but its blend of comical killings and creative death scenes by two-foot tall creatures should have been a little more memorable. Young director Bobby Miller did a fine enough job but a mostly boring script and just not enough action/gore meant I couldn’t get into the flick. The main thing it did was make me want to re-watch the original Critters. Give me a couple of unique kills from the critters and at least one more action-packed scene of them being obliterated by Dee Wallace. All in all, fans of the series will probably enjoy it for the nostalgia but don’t expect it to do anything special.
