Bullet Points: The Exterminators of the Year 3000
The post-apocalyptic genre may have been born in Australia, but the island continent could not contain the spread of post-apocalyptic movies around the world after the success of George Miller’s Mad Max films.
But did any other country embrace the post-apocalyptic genre as much as Italy? There were many Italian produced post-apocalyptic movies in the early 80’s like 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Warriors of the Wasteland and the subject of this edition of Bullet Points, 1983’s The Exterminators of the Year 3000…
- Alien Invasion: We first meet our anti-hero, Alien (Robert Janucci), as he is mixing it up with a couple of unhinged rogue police officers. Once Alien has dispatched of the officers, he goes over to their police car to see if they have anymore water… which is scarce and in high demand in the year 3000. But while Alien is checking the cop car, from outta nowhere a car thief hops in Alien’s sweet post-apocalyptic ride (we later find out it is actually stolen and is named The Exterminator) and takes off. Alien then hops in the cop car and gives chase… because what’s a post-apocalyptic movie without some demolition derby like car chases!?! Things don’t end well for Alien after he ends up flipping the cop car and finds himself trapped inside.
- Tommy Boy: We cut to a colony in the wasteland that is barely hanging on due to a lack of water. The inhabitants of the colony have made great strides setting up greenhouses to grow their own food and other vegetation in hopes of bringing life back to the former big blue marble we call Earth. But all their work may be for not if they can’t get more water. There is a glimmer of hope. The Senator of the colony sent a brave man out with a tanker truck to a location believed to have water… however that man has been gone for over a week. That man was the father of a 10 year old boy named Tommy (Luca Venantini). While others have written off Tommy’s dad as a coward and a deserter… Tommy has not given up hope. And when another tanker truck along with an armed escort is sent out to find Tommy’s dad and the water… Tommy stows away and Tommy and everyone else in the convoy get more than they bargained for.
- Let’s Go Crazy: The convoy is attacked by Crazy Bull and his savage gang including his second in command, Shadow. At first Crazy Bull and company believe the tanker has water that they can claim for themselves, but when they find out it is empty things take a turn for the worse in a hurry. Tommy manages to escape with the map to where the water is… but now he finds himself all alone wandering “The Forbidden Lands”… that is until he happens upon Alien who is still stuck upside down in the cop car. Tommy gets a jack and help Alien escape… but Alien being the barbaric scoundrel he is, has no interest in helping Tommy find the water even after Tommy effectively saved his life. But Tommy has already proven he is not one to take no for an answer so he follows Alien. Just when it looks like Alien and Tommy may get on the same page, Crazy Bull shows up still pissed that Alien stole his car The Eliminator. In order to save his own hide, Alien sells out Tommy for his own freedom, spilling the beans that Tommy knows where Crazy Bull can find water. Tommy won’t talk, Crazy Bull’s minions even threaten to break Tommy’s arm in order to get him to talk… but Tommy’s arm won’t break because it is BIONIC. It may not break, but Crazy Bull’s motorcycle maniacs do manage to pull it of using their motorcycles no less!
- Farewell to Arm?: Alien proves not to be a 100% jerk and he picks up Tommy and his arm and they speed away on a dirt bike to see an acquaintance of Alien’s, Papillon. There’s no better mechanic than Papillon, so if there’s anyone that can reattach Tommy’s arm it is Papillon… Papillon doesn’t only reattach Tommy’s arm, he makes it a super bionic arm. Now Tommy can throw rocks with such force and such speed that his arm has become a lethal weapon. While at Papillon’s, Alien notices that the car that Papillon was working on when Alien and Tommy arrived was his stolen stolen car, The Eliminator. It isn’t long before the thief that stole the car from Alien at the start of the film makes her presence felt… her name is Trash (Alicia Moro) and she and Alien have a past… if you know what I mean. Trash is pissed at Alien for walking out on her, but Alien tries to make it up to her by including her in his plan to retrieve the water using Tommy’s map and selling the water and becoming rich beyond his wildest dreams. Trash wants no part of it… instead she wants to help Tommy get the water back to his colony so the future can be a better place for all. Papillon is also on board with Tommy’s idea… making Alien the odd man out a selfish asshole or a little of both. Fortunately, Alien eventually gets on board…
- I Believe in Miracles: If you think we have seen the last of Crazy Bull and company you are crazier than Crazy Bull. In fact, Crazy Bull pops back up just after Alien and Trash fill a tanker truck full of water… horrible timing for our heroes, but a sure fire way for The Exterminators of the Year 3000 to end with a bang! This is also where Shadow proved to be one of the most vile villains in movie history… first off she kills Papillon… then after Tommy and Trash believe they have vanquished her, they leave the tanker truck unattended to go help Alien who was battling Crazy Bull… and that’s when with her last bit of life, Shadow crawls over to the tanker truck and drains out all of the water!!! Shadow knew she was dying, but she STILL had to do one more dastardly thing. I was flabbergasted, were all the trials and tribulations of our heroes for not!?!?! It was going to take a miracle for this movie to have a happy ending…
I was happy with The Exterminators of the Year 3000 from beginning to end… Tommy’s bionic arm was easily the highlight of the movie and gave him physical strength to go along with the strength of his spirit, much like the way Bonus Bullet Points go along with any Bullet Points review…
- AKA: The Exterminators of the Year 3000 is also known as Death Warriors in some parts of Europe.
- If You Ever: …wanted to see a man duct tape a bionic arm back on a boy, then The Exterminators of the Year 3000 is the movie for you.
- Italian Dick Miller: Venantino Venantini plays the best friend of Tommy’s dad and the man who convinces the Senator to let a convoy go out to find Tommy’s dad and retrieve the water… and from where I sit, he was also Italy’s answer to Dick Miller.
