Bullet Points: Equalizer 2000
1987’s Equalizer 2000 was one of several post-apocalyptic themed movies that Cirio H. Santiago directed with Richard Norton in the starring role.
There is something about having a native Australian like Richard Norton in a sub-genre of film that Australia put on the map that seems fitting.
- North Alaska: The events of Equalizer 2000 take place in a post-apocalyptic North Alaska, where a group known as The Ownership controls the oil fields and thus controls North Alaska. As the movie begins The Ownership is in a firefight with a rebel army that is trying to hijack an Ownership truck transporting oil. It is during this firefight that we are introduced to two of the key characters in the movie, the power hungry Lawton (William Steis) and Slade (Richard Norton, Rage). Both Lawton and Slade are with The Ownership. In fact, Slade’s father is a commander of The Ownership forces, a job that Lawton wants. By the end of the firefight Lawton gets what he wants, when he purposely doesn’t come to the aid of Slade’s father. Slade tries to help, but is too late and is forced to watch his father die, ends up shot in the shoulder and captured by the rebels. When Lawton gets back to The Ownership base, he spreads the lie that Slade has deserted them.
- Deserter in the Desert: Instead of locking Slade up in a cell of some sort, the rebels tie Slade up to the front end of a truck. Slade manages to loosen the ropes and then baits one of the guards over by asking him for water. The guard acts like a hard ass, brings a cup of water over and pours it out right in front of Slade… but at this point, Slade breaks free, kicks the guards ass, steal a car and hightails it out of the rebel camp and sparks the first car chase scene in the movie that ends with Slade jumping a “totally realistic looking” chasm.
- She’d Like to Speak to the Manager: Corinne Wahl plays Karen. We meet Karen at a trading post of sorts where Karen plans on trading some cans of gasoline for some rockets. But Deke (Robert Patrick, Zero Tolerance), the less than ethical man she is trading with, tries to alter the deal in his favor. But Karen is no pushover and she’s also pretty handy with a firearm and soon she alters the deal in her favor and ends up driving away with both the gasoline and the rockets. Zeke and his four buddies give chase. Eventually Karen is forced to give up her vehicle and let it go over a cliff and then she is forced to hoof it up the rocky terrain of North Alaska. Zeke and his boys soon follow and with 5 to 1 odds, things look like they aren’t going to end well for Karen. Fortunately for Karen, Slade is nearby attempting to nurse his wounds and he quickly comes to Karen’s aid running Zeke and company off.
- Introducing the Equalizer 2000: Helping Karen took what fight Slade had left out of him. Wanting to repay him for saving her life, Karen takes Slade back to the compound she calls home and nurses Slade back to health. After some much needed rest and recuperation time, Slade meets Karen’s father Dixon (who at one point served with Slade’s father) and then Slade lays eyes on a weapon that Dixon has been working on, a massive gun known as the Equalizer 2000 (DING!). It is love at first sight.
- Zeke the Rat: Meanwhile back at the trading post, the evil Lawton and his Ownership troops catch Zeke and his boys being shady and trying to skidaddle when they spot the Ownership heading their way. It doesn’t work out and Lawton is ready to execute the lot of them… but Zeke gives Lawton some valuable information about Slade and his whereabouts. In the blink of an eye, Zeke and his boys are recruited by The Ownership and they are all headed to the Dixon compound. It is here where we are all introduced to the massive firepower of the Equalizer 2000!
- Victory is Fleeting: The forces of good may have sent Lawton, Zeke and the Ownership army packing… but it is only temporary. In the dark of night, Zeke manages to get the jump on Slade and Karen (who at this point have taken their relationship to the next level) and the end result, Zeke delivers the Equalizer 2000 to Lawton!! This is going to force all the non-Ownership factions in North Alaska to ban together if they have any hope of stopping Lawton and the Ownership forces.
I hate to say that an inanimate object like the Equalizer 2000 stole the show in Equalizer 2000, especially given the effort put in by Richard Norton, Corinne Wahl and Robert Patrick (in his feature film debut no less). But the Equalizer 2000 stole the show.
Will these Bonus Bullet Points steal this review? Read ’em and you be the judge…
- Blockbuster Cover: I wonder how many rentals the cover above inspired at video stores over the years.
- Out of Context Quote: “I’d love to blow you guys right here.” – Karen
- Montage Alert: There’s a montage of a shirtless Richard Norton completing the work Dixon started on the Equalizer 2000 and getting it battle ready.
- Post-Apocalyptic Product Placement: A character is seen drinking a Colt 45. Surviving an apocalypse really does prove that Colt 45 works every time!
