Bullet Points: Kickboxing Academy
Why is there such a rivalry between martial arts schools? I am specifically asking about martial arts schools in films. I understand the good natured rivalry when it comes to competition among martial arts schools in real life, but films always take it to the next level. There has to be enough room for more than one martial arts school in a town, especially when one is clearly designed for bullies, right? I suppose I don’t really need an answer, because in my opinion there will never be a glut of martial arts school movies. I happen to have some Bullet Points for a 1997 film that might have slipped past your radar. Take your seats and pay attention as we take a look at Kickboxing Academy.
- Freshman – Kickboxing Academy lets you know exactly when the movie takes place with a tremendous late 1990s high school house party. From the music to the clothes to the cliched characters we get an early glimpse of what is in store. A couple of
nerds…dorks… less popular students are walking home from the party lamenting on how they shouldn’t even go to these parties because the girls are all stuck up when they get attacked by some bullies. The bullies of course know martial arts and insult the pair with a classic body shaming line… “Just like the nature channel, a beached whale.” Kickboxing Academy really wants you to hate the bullies. However, if it wasn’t for the bullies, we wouldn’t get our first glimpse of Danny (Christopher Khayman Lee) as he comes to the rescue.
- Sophomore – Master June (Donna Barnes) runs a martial arts school that is aptly titled The Kickboxing Academy, and while that seems like a great title there is mostly karate being taught. June is in a relationship with Carl (Steven Bauer, Drive Like Lightning) and while Steven Bauer is a plus to any movie, he comes on very strong with the creeper and a-hole vibes which if you don’t see a swerve coming later I envy your naivete. I love the students in June’ class. Cindy (Chyler Leigh) and her friend Melinda (Daphne Dupliax) are some of the least likely martial artists but that is why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Cindy is dating Brian, who we are led to believe is the top of the class and again I wouldn’t have believed it. Brian is more interested in his classic Ford Galaxie and Cindy is more interested in her former beau Danny. Brian’s little brother and the two less popular students and a Frenchman round out the class. All are great in their own stereotype ways and I can’t forget the former student Danny who was the top of the class but quit after nearly killing a kid in competition.
- Junior – The rival martial arts school is Fatal Combat. Why any parent would send their child to a place called Fatal Combat is beyond me, but it would be especially puzzling if they met the instructor, Tarbeck. Or should I say Captain Tarbeck as he likes to be called because he is still stuck in Vietnam and he is as crazy as you would expect. We don’t get to meet his whole school, but those two bullies from the beginning are two of his main crew. The best is Treck played by Kely McClung from Stickfighter fame and while Kely might not have been great as a lead in Stickfighter he shines as the slightly dimwitted tough in Fatal Comat (and he still has some of the best 90’s hair that Chris the Brain has ever seen.) Tarbeck wants to take over The Kickboxing Academy and has the local politician Maddox on his side. Maddox, however, not only wants to shut down the school, he wants to embarrass June. Is there something personal going on? Spoiler Alert… yes.
- Senior – A winner takes all competition is set up between The Kickboxing Academy and Fatal Combat and we get some of the usual shenanigans like Fatal Combat trashing the Academy. While that might be a negative, it does lead to a quick beach training montage, or as Danny calls it “Baywatch meets Enter the Dragon.” June and Carl are attacked leaving a date by some shuriken wielding ninjas, although the shuriken only manage to hit no parking signs. Carl also only takes minor damage… suspicious?!?!. While all this is good, you know what Kickboxing Academy needs? A bar fight that ends with projectile vomiting. God bless Brian. Of course nobody needs the drunk driving that Brian attempts after, and combined with Fatal Combat messing with his Galaxie’s brakes results in a crash. Brian has been moved to injured reserve, but that leaves an opening for the return of Danny.
Kickboxing Academy ends with the high production value but low attended competition between The Kickboxing Academy and Fatal Combat. Be on the lookout for the best fights in the film and Tarbeck doing everything in his power to cheat, including having a man fight in the woman’s class, or cat fight as the announcer called it (I am glad the audience didn’t care for his joke) but it was another chance for Kely McClung to shine. You can probably guess how the competition turns out but the ending was a total shocker. I won’t spoil it, but where did Tarbeck get that gun? Kickboxing Academy is not a great movie and the acting and fighting may not be top notch, although there was some legit talent like Kely McClung and Christopher Khayman Lee who was once a Power Ranger, but if you enjoy a fun lighthearted film, there are worse ways to spend less than 90 minutes. Even if Kickboxing Academy is not something you like, you can still enjoy these Kickboxing Academy Bonus Bullet Points.
- Like Kissing Your Sister – If there is one thing that makes Kickboxing Academy famous, or maybe infamous, it is that Cindy and Danny were played by real life brother and sister Chyler Leigh and Christopher Khayman Lee. While that is sort of interesting, the fact they play a couple and have kissing scenes is the bigger deal, but both are professional actors so good on them.
- Should Have Paid More Attention in Biology Class Quote – “If your fly isn’t open, what the heck is that thing?”
- Favorite Character – I can’t leave without mentioning my favorite character, Max. He is an annoying skater who at first you think is only there for comic relief, but he plays an important role. He personifies late 90’s skater and is so obnoxious and not funny that I find it fascinating.
- Words To Live By – “I told you, always take out their nards.”
