20 Reasons Why You Rock: Cobra
If you are a Sylvester Stallone movie and your main character isn’t named Rocky Balboa or John Rambo, chances are you aren’t getting the love you deserve.
1986’s Cobra is a great example of Sylvester Stallone movie that does not get the proper amount of gratitude by the public at large. But we here at Bulletproof Action truly appreciate the greatness that is Cobra in fact, we think it rocks…
#1. A movie’s primary goal is to entertain. But Cobra goes one step beyond and starts off with a rundown of violent crime statistics (narrated by Sylvester Stallone no less). That’s infotainment!
#2. A deadly hostage situation at a grocery store forces Captain Sears to call in his ultimate weapon… the Cobra aka Marion Cobretti (Sylvester Stallone). The grocery store scene quickly establishes that Cobra is a maverick cop, who plays by his own rules and does the dirty work that most cops wouldn’t want to get near.
#3. Every maverick cop needs a cool ride and Marion Cobretti has one in the form of a custom 1950 Mercury with the vanity plate “AWSOM 50”. Doesn’t get much cooler than that.
#4. Another thing every maverick cop needs is someone on the police force that is a giant pain in his ass. Andrew Robinson’s Detective Monte is that pain in the ass and Robinson is easy to dislike in this role.
#5. Now normally I don’t weigh in on divisive issues here on the site because doing so risks alienating a portion of the audience. But I am going to make an exception and state for the record that I prefer Pepsi over Coke. Cobra boasts some of the best Pepsi product placement in cinematic history. First, there is the elaborate display at the grocery store at the start of the film. Then there’s the giant neon Pepsi sign that can be seen prominently from Marion Cobretti’s rooftop balcony.
#6. Quality Action Hero One Liner = “You’re the disease. I’m the cure”
#7. As a professional wrestling historian nerd I absolutely love when random wrestling personalities pop up in movies. I couldn’t help but notice Joe Fowler as one of the news reporters who questions Cobretti after the grocery store incident. Fowler had a short run in the WWF in 1993 where he served as a member of the broadcast team.
#8. The always competent Art LaFleur plays Cobretti’s direct boss, Captain Sears. You have to appreciate that Captain Sears supports Cobra as best as he can, even when there’s pressure from others in the LAPD not to. That’s a quality boss.
#9. The physically imposing Brian Thompson as a deranged serial killer known as the Night Slasher was a great decision, but Cobra doubles down and makes Night Slasher the leader of an entire army of super killers… if you are going to do something, do it up big!
#10. Adding some star power to the proceedings was Brigitte Nielsen. Nielsen plays Ingrid, the witness that Cobra has been assigned to protect. At the time of Cobra’s release, Brigitte Nielsen was at the height or her popularity smack dab in the middle of her appearance in Rocky IV and right before she appeared in Beverly Hills Cop II.
#11. Reni Santoni’s Gonzales is a great sidekick to Cobra. And if you love junk food, you can’t help but have a soft spot in your heart for Gonzales.
#12. If you ever wanted to see a man cut a piece of pizza with a pair of scissors, then Cobra is the movie for you.
#13. The car chase in downtown LA is chock full of goodness… explosions, a spectacular jump from the second floor of a parking garage onto the street and the nitrous switch!
#14. Lee Garlington plays Nancy Stalk, a dirty cop who is devoted to Night Slasher. Stalk may be the most vile character in the entire movie. Gonzales said it perfectly when he declares that he “Never liked that bitch”. I only wish Stalk would have met a more spectacular demise.
#15. After a little downtime in the middle, Cobra is non-stop action starting with the motel shootout as our heroes are ambushed by the serial killers (thanks to Stalk), which leads right into…
#16. Ingrid getting behind the wheel of a pick up truck with Cobra in the bed of the truck guns blazing at the serial killers chasing them down, which leads to…
#17. Cobra and Ingrid find themselves on foot being pursued by some motorcycle maniacs in an orange grove. The natural setting of this scene is a stark contrast to the industrial backdrop for the movie’s finale…
#18. Remember how I said Stalk needed a more spectacular death? Well the death of another of the Night Slasher’s minions, Cho (John Herzfeld) helped make up for it as he is burned alive courtesy of Cobra!
#19. But the most spectacular death in the film, and rightfully so, belonged to The Night Slasher… who after going one on one with Cobra finds himself hung on a giant hook and sent into the burning fires of the foundry setting as Cobra basically sends the psychopath to hell.
#20. The icing on the cake for Cobra comes in the final moments of the film, when Cobra punches the annoying Detective Monte right in the mouth! And just look at his face… it totally deserved to be punched!
