What If Cannon Made Masters of the Universe 2?

During my childhood, few things captivated me as much as Mattel’s Masters of the Universe did. I had almost all the toys, watched the cartoon repeatedly, wore a He-Man Halloween costume, had a He-Man birthday party…I was all in on Eternia’s greatest hero and his never-ending battle with Skeletor. So when 1987’s Masters movie, made by the wonderful folks over at Cannon Films, came out, I was ecstatic. Here it was, a live action epic featuring all my favorite characters; we had He-Man! Teela! Man-At-Arms! Blade! Gwildor!

Wait, who were those last two again?

Sure, there were some questionable decisions regarding the Masters of the Universe film, with new, never before seen characters like Gwildor and Blade being the least of them. Production was rife with turmoil (after all, this was a Cannon production), and coupled with the box office failure that the film faced, it wasn’t likely that we’d ever see He-Man return to the big screen. It wasn’t until years later that I learned that there were some loose plans in place for a Masters sequel that would have been helmed by the incomparable Albert Pyun, but Cannon’s money flow and issues with MOTU license holder Mattel made it impossible. Sure, we did wind up seeing some of the set pieces and costumes get used in Jean Claude Van Damme’s Cyborg, but MOTU 2 is a big “what if” among fans of the franchise to this day.

With MastersMania running wild again (a new Netflix cartoon, MOTU toys back on the shelves, continued rumors of a live action reboot, and a whole lot of money leaving my wallet), I felt it was fitting to take a look at what we could have had if the sequel saw the light of day. Much like my Bulletproof partner Chris The Brain’s column that imagined a Cannon G.I. Joe film, we’re going to keep this somewhat grounded in reality. Using bits of info regarding Pyun’s plans, the script, and casting only people who had previously appeared in Cannon releases, let’s see if the power of my imagination is as strong as the Power of Grayskull!

The Plot

Pyun’s script made mention of He-Man fighting Skeletor on Earth, with He-Man living under an assumed identity as a popular football star and Skeletor as an evil industrialist. Much of the fighting would be taking place on Earth, far away from Eternia, and the words “desolate wasteland” were mentioned several times.

MOTU fans may recall that He-Man/Prince Adam’s mother, Queen Marlena, is an astronaut from Earth who crashed on Eternia and fell in love with King Randor. So, my friends, the plot of Masters of the Universe 2 would see Skeletor travel back in time to Earth to kill Marlena ahead of her mission, thus robbing the universe of her twins Adam and Adora, aka He-Man and She-Ra! Once He-Man catches wind of Skeletor’s plot he follows him through time and to Earth to save his mother and the universe. This way we have a logical (!) plot as to why these two cosmic champions are battling on lil’ ol’ Earth instead of somewhere else in the galaxy, and the time travel aspect means that we don’t have to worry about seeing what Kevin (Robert Duncan McNeil) and Julie (Courtney Cox) from the first film are up to.

The Setting

Most of the film would take place on Earth, as mentioned, because of the story and the budget. Scenes from Eternia and/or Castle Grayskull would bookend the film.

The Cast

 Now we’re getting to the good stuff. Let’s get the obvious ones out of the way first…

• Frank Langella returns as Skeletor – Langella has stated he loved playing Skeletor, and he took the role because his son was a huge Masters fan. This means that his return to the franchise is a given. Welcome home, Frank.
• Meg Foster returns as Evil-Lyn – Foster is a familiar face from plenty of cult favorites from throughout the years, so her returning to the fold doesn’t seem out of the question. In the storyline, she would aid Skeletor in traveling through time and trying to kill Marlena.
• Billy Barty is back as Gwildor – The Masters are going to need some magic on their side, and since Orko wouldn’t work within the budget, Gwildor would be back as the genius and comic relief.

• Laird Hamilton debuts as He-Man/Prince Adam/”Adam Prince” – Dolph Lundgren wanted nothing to do with Masters of the Universe and notes it as one of the most miserable experiences of his career. Word going around was that Hamilton, a professional surfer, was already on board (pun alert!) to play the role of He-Man, so we’ll stick with that bit of fantasy booking. Since Hamilton was an unproven commodity, he’ll need to be surrounded by some heavy hitters to carry the load…

The Heroic Warriors

• Sharon Stone as She-Ra/Adora – Stone had appeared in King Solomon’s Mines and Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold for Cannon, and she’d be a great choice for our hero’s twin sister who wields some power of her own. With their mother’s life in danger, it just makes sense to have She-Ra be one of the Masters who heads to Earth to aid He-Man in his quest.

• Michael Dudikoff as Bow – Our pal Dudi was a franchise player for Cannon, and it would be great to see him as a part of this film. In MOTU lore, Bow is one of She-Ra’s allies and harbors a secret crush on her. In MOTU2, the two would be an established couple, with Bow ready to fight on behalf of his beloved and her family. Plus, if anyone can be guaranteed to make the fight scenes in a movie fun, it’s Michael Dudikoff. Oh and don’t worry about the mustache, Dudi. Although the Bow seen on the She-Ra cartoon sports some nifty facial hair, it’s noticeably absent from the action figure. One of your fellow heroes will have the facial hair quota covered, as mentioned a little further down.

• Mario Van Peebles as Clamp Champ – Having played both a hero (Rappin’) and a villain (Exterminator 2) under the Cannon umbrella, Van Peebles would be called upon to play one of the lesser known Masters characters. With a figure released towards the end of the toy line and no appearances in the original cartoon, Clamp Champ might seem like an odd choice. His minimal backstory would allow Pyun to slip the character right into the heart of the action without upsetting fans who wanted things true to the source material.

• Chuck Norris as Fisto – Ol’ Chuck might be better known for throwing kicks, but if you slap a metal gauntlet on the hand of the future Texas Ranger, the resemblance to one of more recognizable Masters characters is uncanny. Just look at their epic beards and tell me that you don’t want to see Chuck Norris uppercutting intergalactic criminals as Fisto. Chuck is also no stranger to properties aimed at the youth of the world (looking at you, Karate Kommandos!) and his inclusion would surely be a popular choice among Masters fans.

• Bo Derek as Queen Marlena – Since the mission to save Marlena is the heart of the story, we’d want someone recognizable in the role. Derek’s prior release through Cannon, Bolero, was met with universal disdain, so her taking on the role of damsel in distress could have been her redemption song.

The Evil Warriors

• Sho Kosugi as Ninjor – If it’s one thing that Cannon had down to a science, it was making ninja movies. While MOTU2 wouldn’t be a true ninja movie, it wouldn’t stop the Cannon team from slotting in their own personal ninja master. Ninjor is another character that was introduced just before the toy line was canceled, so he’s another one without much info to go on. Here, he’d be Skeletor’s personal assassin, both under his civilian guise and as one of the menacing Evil Warriors out to destroy He-Man.

• Brian Thompson as Tri-Klops – The infamous “Night Slasher” from Cobra would return to the Cannon fold as Skeletor’s newest recruit. The film would tinker with one of the Tri-Klops origin stories that was pitched in the 80’s, where he was said to be a fellow astronaut on Marlena’s ship. In the film, he would be an astronaut that gets injured and blinded during the first attempt on Marlena’s life, and brought back by Skeletor as an enhanced brute capable of decimating anyone in his way!

• Don Gibb as Trap Jaw – Skeletor’s disguise of Aaron Dark would give him access to military level technology, a power that he would naturally abuse. Before he would use the technology he had at hand to create Tri-Klops, we would be introduced to his first creation, Trap Jaw! Gibb had previously played a hulking brute and a simpleton, so he would be the perfect choice for Skeletor’s brawn (but not brains). Could Cannon even take it one step further and make Gibb’s character a former on-field rival of “Adam Prince”, and his gridiron grudge makes him hate He-Man even more?

There would also be a host of bit players involved; since Skeletor wouldn’t have his evil army to call upon, we’d get a host of nameless, cyborg-like henchmen to act as foils for our heroes. Maybe a few cameos from other stars from the original Masters of the Universe when the film is set in Eternia. Derek could be made up to look older for the “present day” portions, but those scenes would be fleeting compared to the time spent on Earth. 

So there you have it, peeps…it’s the Masters film we’ll never get, but after all of that writing it’s one that I want even more than I did when I pitched the idea for this column. The Cannon Group might have been Hollywood’s Island of Misfit Toys, but we know they were capable of putting out some entertaining product. If time travel ever actually becomes a thing, you can be that I’ll find a way to pitch this script to Golan-Globus. If this column has you in the mood for more Masters of the Universe talk, look for my coverage of Masters of the Universe: Revelation in this month’s No Surrender Cinema. Until then, it’s not goodbye, it’s good journey.