Bullet Points: Bruce Lee Against Supermen
Before Christopher Reeve made us believe a man could fly in Superman, before Michael Keaton matter-of-factly said “I’m Batman”, before Robert Downey Jr. stepped inside the Iron Man suit for the first time and before Chris Evans absolutely owned the role of Captain America… Bruce Li wore a red superhero costume with a hornet on the chest in 1975’s Bruce Lee Against Supermen.
Bruce Lee Against Supermen is one of the more bizarre entries in the world of Bruceploitation. The basic plot centers around Dr. Ting and his formula that will solve world hunger, the bad guys that want to get the formula from Ting and the good guys who are there to save the day.
If a movie could be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD for those in the know), Bruce Lee Against Supermen would be that movie…
- Worst Green Hornet Episode Ever: The movie starts off with a car chase involving the police and some bad guys, the bad guys throw a bag of money out their moving car window during the chase and the bag is found moments later by a couple who were hanging out on the beach… that’s when Bruce Li shows up in full Kato from The Green Hornet gear and informs the couple that the money does not belong to them and that he is taking the couple and the money to the police… apparently Kato does not believe in the long standing “Finders Keepers” rule. A flat tire impedes Kato’s progress and when he gets out of the car to assess the damage, he ends up getting into it with some bad guys… possibly the ones who were being chased by the cops. Once the fight is over, the Kato costume, the couple and the money are never seen again… but we are introduced to “The Green Hornet” and his neckbeard.
- Late to the Party: The powers that be send
KatoCarter (Bruce Li, Dynamo) to protect Dr. Ting from the bad guys, unfortunately for Dr. Ting, Carter is a little late. The bad guys, led by a dude named Tiger, managed to snatch up Dr. Ting and his daughter Alice. Fortunately for the horn dogs in the audience this kidnapping does not happen until AFTER Tiger got an eyeful of Alice skinny dipping. Carter enlists the help of his friend Hon-Yu since The Green Hornet is apparently on the injured reserve. Hon-Yu proves his worth almost instantaneously while he and Carter are in the back of a cab and Hon-Yu notices a blindfolded Alice in a car that passes them. This leads to a mid-tempo chase and kudos to the cab driver for going above and beyond the call of duty here. Long story short, Carter and Hon-Yu rescue Dr. Ting and Alice. Then it cuts to a guy on the phone hiring a sharpshooter… I did not recognize him and thought I may have missed him in an earlier scene, then I started to think I may have ADD.
- Get Carter: Up next is a pretty lengthy montage of Carter and Alice out on a date and love is in the air between our hero and the damsel he undistressed. But once that montage is over, we pick up with Carter in an entirely different location and he is nearly shot by a sharpshooter’s bullet (so that earlier scene was not entirely pointless)… you don’t just shoot at Carter and get away with it. Carter spots the shooter on the roof of nearby building, but by the time he gets up to the roof the sharpshooter is gone, but Carter gets eyes on him down on the street and repels down the side of the building and a foot chase is soon afoot. It ends with Carter finding the sharpshooter on the roof of another building and before Carter can find out who hired him (something I was anxious to find out) the sharpshooter plunges to his death.
- Not My Superman: Tiger realizes he is going to need to eliminate the Carter problem, so he has his minions go out and hire a highly accomplished fighter known as Superman (and his two masked students) for $100,000 in cash, 10 girls and a truck full of booze… And speaking of booze, Carter finds himself at a bar where he is picked up by a woman named Eve and it isn’t long before they are knockin’ boots… And speaking of knocking, Alice doesn’t knock when she enters Carter’s room to tell him that her father has disappeared and boy does she get an eyeful! And then a cat fight breaks out with Eve and Alice eventually ending up in the bath tub. And I couldn’t help but ask myself…
- Where Do We Go From Here?: The answer is a successful rescue mission with Carter disguising himself as a denim overall wearing rickshaw driver… Then Carter fighting four giggle fucks in the forest, before he is captured, only to escape almost immediately… Followed by the best fights in the movie with Carter battling Superman and his two students… But while Carter was occupied, Dr. Ting is kidnapped once again, along with Alice and Hon-Yu… There’s also some dissension in the bad guy ranks…. Carter ends up in his superhero outfit and The Green Hornet shows up so I guess all’s well that ends well!?!?
I watched Bruce Lee Against Supermen twice and I am still not entirely sure what the hell I watched. It is more of a collection of scenes than it is an actual movie. I would not be shocked to find out that drugs played a major part in the creative process.
There were no drugs involved in the creation of these Bonus Bullet Points…
- The Secret Ingredient: Dr. Ting’s formula is petroleum based, which means that all the food created using Dr. Ting’s formula would give a person gas.
- If You Ever: …wanted to see Bruce Li pace back and forth in a small room while waiting for a phone call, then Bruce Lee Against Supermen is the movie for you.
- AKA: Bruce Lee Against Supermen is also known as Superdragon vs. Superman and Bruce Lee vs. Supermen.
- Suggestion Box: Bruce Lee Against Supermen, Bruce Lee in New Guinea and The Clones of Bruce Lee would make a great batshit crazy triple feature.
