Bullet Points: Armour of God
Jackie Chan has almost died so many times doing stunts for what I would consider good to mediocre movies that you have to respect the man. I’ve always been a big fan of him but I have yet to find a movie of his that really blew me away. Armour of God probably isn’t that movie but it is a good one. Keep reading for my thoughts.
The Gist: Jackie Chan is a fortune hunter who agrees to help an old friend rescue his fiancé from a cult looking to bring darkness back into the world by using the Armour of God. But before he can save her Jackie will have to acquire all of the pieces of the AoG.
The Cast: Jackie Chan is his usual funny, wacky, and overly dangerous self. Of all of the legends of action, Chan is one whose movies are most hit or miss for me. I love watching his films to see what kind of stunt work and for the amazing fight scenes but I guess I’ve never been a fan of the comedy gimmick that Chan has always done. There is no doubt that some of this fight work is the best in the business but rarely am I beating down the doors of the theater to see the latest Jackie Chan movie. He is definitely the more serious one here. Alan Tam plays his buddy whose fiancé was abducted and he seems like he came straight out of a children’s movie. He’s such a pussy for most of the movie that it makes the female companion, a very sexy Lola Forner, seem much tougher by comparison.
Indiana Chan!
The Villain: I guess it’s some sort of religious cult that wants to bring some sort of darkness back into the world. They really don’t do anything other than bang a bunch of local hookers and try to steal the Armour of God. Would they even know what to do with it if they got it? I don’t remember any of them getting a name or anything so it was hard for me to find them threatening in any way. They did have a legion of trannies who kicked the crap out of Jackie until he realized their weakness….it’s hard to do kung fu in high heels.
Meet the crazy hooded-cult guys.
The Action: Jackie tricks a bunch of African tribesmen into thinking he’s some sort of deity before stealing their precious sword (dummies), then like Stone Cold Steve Austin he chugs a beer in their faces and escapes that bitch via downhill slalom before he’s caught (badass). You pretty much know what you’re going to get from a Jackie Chan action movie. He’s going to perform amazing stunts, kick a bunch of guy’s asses at the same time, and probably step on a rake and bop his head before rubbing it like a doufuss. If that’s the sort of thing you covet then you can’t go wrong with Armour of God. Out of all of the crazy shit that he has done over the years this may actually be the closest to death that Jackie has been. At one point, during his escape from the savages he jumps on a tree branch and while the movie has the good version in the bad one he broke the branch and plummeted to the ground, hitting his skull off of the stone wall and nearly killing him. In fact, you can tell that in the earlier portions of the movie he has a shorter haircut but later it’s grown out again to conceal his head wound. I like to think that under that Beatles hair cut is just a festering wound that Chan rubbed some Neosporin on and got up for another take. That dude is a trooper.
I would be scared to fight them too.
Take it Home:
- One bad chick: Cynthia Rothrock was originally supposed to be in the film but due to Chan’s injuries halting production, she ended up doing a different movie.
- Bond car: The car driven by Chan looks like something out of a 007 movie but is actually a Mitsubishi Colt Targa Concept. It’s a two-door, two-seater version of the Colt with its roof chopped off and shorter windshield and side windows. It is a special one-off model made by Mitsubishi for the film.
- Get a stuntman for once: The fall from the tree branch not only left Jackie hard of hearing in one ear but also gave him a thimble sized hole in the side of his head.
Rating: 3/5
