Bullet Points: Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day is a holiday to celebrate love and what better way to enjoy the day than to watch a movie with the same name. What is that? You have already seen the 2010 movie Valentine’s Day with the ensemble cast. Good for you, but that isn’t an action movie. I’m talking about the 1998 movie Valentine’s Day starring Mario Van Peebles. What is that? You haven’t seen the movie also known as Protector? Lucky for you and your lover I have some Valentine’s Day Bullet Points.
- Be Mine – Jack Valentine (Mario Van Peebles, Judgment Day) is a police officer in the organized crime (OC for those in the know) unit of the Buffalo PD. Valentine and his partner Phil (Randy Quaid) have been surveilling a mobster, Tony D, who is going to turn state’s evidence. The D must stand for dead because that is exactly what happens to Tony when he is on the wrong end of a hit. Valentine’s only lead is Alma (Zehra Leverman), a mistress that Tony was intimately with at the time of the murder and also the first hint that this movie has decided to go with a different kind of action for you and your lover’s viewing pleasure.
- True Love – Losing the major witness does not ingratiate Valentine with his superiors or with the FBI who also want a piece of the mob action. Valentine does have federal attorney Sally (Rae Dawn Chong, Commando) on his side, partly because she wants to take down the mob and partly because Jack and Sally were once an item. Valentine has constant nightmares about a prior witness dying under his care and got him demoted to a desk job. Who would have guessed that his first assignment back would involve another witness needing protection that has gone south? Will there be another witness that needs protection?
- I ♥ You – Valentine has two weeks to find out who killed his dead witness and has two suspects. It could either be mob boss Joe Buddha (Ben Gazzara, Roadhouse) or the young and up and coming Michael Nocera aka The Yuppie Don (Stewart Bick). Things get spicy when Valentine realizes Alma is also a mistress of Nocera and in order to find out more Valentine gets close with Alma. There is another witness that Valentine needs to protect! He also tries to protect her in the sheets if you and your lover know what I mean. The closer Valentine gets to Alma the more he realizes she might not be the innocent mistress of more than one mobster that also sleeps with a police officer… go figure.
- I Choo Choo Choose You – Valentine’s Day goes full mystery mode as both of his potential suspects are targets of hit attempts with The Yuppie Don becoming The Yuppie Dead. I wouldn’t call it a Valentine’s Day massacre, but I wouldn’t be upset if you did. It is at this point in Valentine’s Day we learn the truth about Alma and not being who she said she was, not that it is a surprise, but who she is I will leave for you and your lover’s enjoyment. Suffice to say that Valentine’s Day is really a revenge flick. Valentine’s Day also leaves room for one more twist right at the end that isn’t too surprising or adds much to the story, but I can appreciate the effort.
Valentine’s Day is not the most action packed movie, but it makes up for it with suspense and mystery and a fair bit of seeing couples and especially Zehra Leverman… let’s say enjoying Valentine’s Day. It certainly isn’t the best movie for any of the well known faces and the mystery is pretty by the book, but there are worse ways to spend 91 minutes. Does Valentine’s Day have a happy ending? That is for you and your lover to find out, but I do know that the Valentine Day’s Bullet Points has a happy ending. Enjoy some Valentine’s Day Bonus Bullet Points.
Bonus Bullet Points
- Worst Quote – “Go fuck your mother in New Mexico.”
- Best Commercial Parody Quote – “Master shield, never leave home without it.”
- If You Ever… – Wanted to see Ben Gazzara crawl on the floor of a greenhouse then Valentine’s Day is for you and your lover.
- Folding Paper – Jack Valentine loves origami.
