Bullet Points: Acapulco Gold
When you hear of an action movie called Acapulco Gold what is the first thing that comes to your mind? Mexico? Weed? How about Hawaii and heroin? Those last two don’t seem to compute but that is what the 1976 movie Acapulco Gold is about. Is it worth your time or do you need to be high to watch…get it? Let’s find out.
- Partial Credit – To be fair, Acapulco Gold opens in Mexico with marijuana being harvested as the opening credits play. We soon meet vacationing insurance man Ralph (Marjoe Gortner, American Ninja 3) at the airport in Mexico on his way back to Los Angeles. Ralph is the victim of some mistaken identity when a nun wrongly gives him a piñata filed with heroin in a drug deal. She was meant to give the drugs to another man with an oversized novelty sombrero with another piñata… an honest mistake. Ralph gets arrested and the nun gets shot for her trouble. Don’t feel too bad, I don’t think she was a real nun.
- Borracho y Burro – Have you heard the one about a man riding a burro into a bar? It is not a joke, it is a scene from Acapulco Gold. I used to think that cars driving inside was the tops but burro inside beats car inside any day. The drunk riding the burro is Solborg (Robert Lansing, Control from The Equalizer) who just happens to be a former America’s Cup sailing champ. That is going to be important. Just act surprised when Ralph and Solborg become fast friends in a Mexican jail.
- Frye Guy – Portly drug dealer Morgan Frye (John Harkins) needs someone to sail his boat from Mexico to Hawaii, a boat that is going to be filled with Acapulco gold, for a drug deal with a Taiwanese drug dealer, Mr. Wang. Enter Solborg and his new jail mate first mate Ralph. Two things, first the Acapulco gold is actual gold, not drugs. And second, Frye calls Mr. Wang a chinaman with is definitely offensive but maybe the Chinese won’t be upset having him called that considering where he is from. As any good drug dealer should have, even plump ones, Frye has a pretty young thing (P.Y.T. for those in the know) in the form of Sally (Randi Oakes, CHiPs).
- Data Encryption Algorithm – With a big drug deal happening in Hawaii, you better believe the DEA is on the case, with special interest being shown by Hollister (Roy Nelson). Solborg, Ralph, Frye, Sally, Mr. Wang, and the DEA all end up in Hawaii. Basically, shit is about to go down. And by shit, I mean double crosses, twists and any other surprise character is not who we thought they were that can happen. That is except for poor Ralph, he really was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
- Island Action – Acapulco Gold has some surprising entertaining action for a movie that I am not quite sure is meant to be played totally serious or comedic. Maybe you need to be a stoner to enjoy? Either way, I need more boat jackings of the elderly played for laughs. The old timer on the boat might have got what he deserved, especially when the couple comes back towards the end. Did he just kill a man with a golf ball? Two strokes for hitting it in the water. Speaking of golf, three wheel golf cart chase just shot up to the top of the best action chases I have seen. And that includes the hydrofoil chase at the end of Acapulco Gold.
Acapulco Gold is an entertaining movie, one that I definitely didn’t regret watching, but probably will never watch again… unless I can see a clearer version than the blurry mess that is on Amazon Prime or YouTube. How can I enjoy the beautiful scenery of Hawaii when it all runs together? At least I can enjoy the quality music. Maybe if you watch it with a cloudy haze in the room it really doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you get some Acapulco Gold Bonus Bullet Points.
- Stoner Comedy – Acapulco Gold is definitely marketed to a weed smoking crowd even though it is not really in the movie. I am sure they enjoy this little shot Mr. Wang sarcastically asks the DEA when he is told it is the Drug Enforcement Agency. “You enforce the taking of drugs?”
- Jailbreak – Once again proving my theory correct, Acapulco Gold shows the best way to break out of a Mexican jail is with Mexican hookers.
- Underwater Stoner Comedy – “50,000 fish are stoned out of their heads.”
- Best Quote From an American Consul – “Tough titty.”
