Bullet Points: Terror Squad
By 1987 The Cold War movie well was starting to run dry. This opened the door for Middle Eastern based terror groups to move up the “foreign menace” ladder and become the villains of choice for action movies, such was the case in Peter Maris’ Terror Squad…
- Anti-American: The movie begins in Libya, where Muammar Gaddafi (or a reasonable facsimile) is speaking at an anti-American rally and getting his people all worked up into a lather… they are burning the American flag, wishing death to the “American dogs” so it is probably no surprise when four Libyans make their way to the United States by way of Canada, landing on Dunes Beach, Indiana with bad intentions for the Blackriver Nuclear Power Plant near Kokomo, Indiana.
- There’s a Place Called Kokomo: Before terror hits the Heartland of America, it is just a typical day in Kokomo. Except for some of the students at Kokomo High School who find themselves stuck in detention after school under the watchful eye of Mr. Nero… there’s rock-n-roll rebel Johnny (Bill Calvert, C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud)… there’s the girl next door Jennifer… plus the football jock, the horny nerd, the cheerleader and the punk chick.
- World’s Longest Police Chase: Things don’t exactly go as planned for the four terrorists at Blackriver Nuclear Power Plant and they end up with one less in their ranks and now find themselves on the run around the 16:30 mark, Chief Rawlings (Chuck Connors, Sakura Killers) is notified and he is calling all cars moments later, the police pursue the three terrorists all over Kokomo, people are shot on the streets, cars are on fire, people are on fire, a water tower and brick smoke stack are shot down by a rocket launcher, a helicopter is called in to track the terrorists from the sky and they attempt to evade the helicopter by driving through a corn field, cop cars are being blown up and at 43:45 the chase is over! That’s a 27 minute car chase in a 93 minute movie.
- Worst Detention Ever: In all the chase chaos another of the terrorists is eliminated, leaving Yassir and Gamal to figure out what their next move will be… and that next move takes them to Kokomo High School where the detention students and Mr. Nero are about to become hostages! It isn’t long before the Kokomo PD have the high school surrounded and Chief Rawlings finds himself in the unfamiliar role of hostage negotiator while they wait for the FBI to show up. When Captain Steiner of the SWAT team asks Rawlings if he had any hostage negotiation training, Rawlings tells him he saw Dog Day Afternoon three times.
- Short Bus: Your average high school students are going to have a problem with authority, it is the nature of a teenager… but high school students in detention are going to be even more likely to try some shit and they do! At one point Doug the horny nerd and Johnny escape the classroom they were being held in and manage to lose Gamal who was chasing them through the hallways. Doug uses this as an opportunity to go to the shop class and build his own weapon like he was a member of The A-Team. But Johnny is seriously thinking of saving his own ass… that is until Yassir and Gamal take Jenny as their sole hostage as they board the school bus they demanded and head to the airport. Johnny ends up jumping from the roof of the school on to the top of the school bus as it drives away in an attempt to rescue Jennifer… this sort of daring heroics should have been the highlight of the big action finale… instead it was overshadowed by the fact that the regular sized school bus, turned into a short bus for the spot where it drives through a train!
Some would probably say Terror Squad is a terrible movie. I would say if Terror Squad is a terrible movie then it is the absolute best kind of terrible movie. When you basically say fuck character development and devote 29% of your movie to a destructive chase scene, you had zero intentions of making a great movie and were all in on making a fun viewing experience. And I had a ton of fun watching Terror Squad so mission accomplished.
If you have fun reading Bonus Bullet Points, lean back and enjoy these Terror Squad Bonus Bullet Points…
- 80085: If I was wearing a hat right now I would tip it to the high quality Terror Squad logo seen on the title screen featuring “terror” in calculator font.
- If You Ever: …wanted to see Chuck Connors interrupted just before he was about to enjoy a fast food hamburger, then Terror Squad is the movie for you.
- Familiar Face: Ken Foree of Joshua Tree and Death Spa fame played Deputy Brown in Terror Squad.
- If You Ever: …wished your high school had a rock-n-roll janitor, then you’ll love Gus the rock-n-roll janitor in Terror Squad.
- Music By: Chuck Cirino provided the music for Terror Squad and at times it felt like leftover music from Chopping Mall, which I believe is Cirino’s best work.
