Bullet Points: In the Name of the King 2
Somehow this sequel was made to the original Jason Statham lead film that no one I know has ever seen. I know I skipped the original and went straight to the sequel, but I don’t know why I did that. Did I expect the Dolph Lundgren iteration to be better than the Statham/Ray Liotta film? Who knows? All I know is that one evening, after about 13 beers, I put this movie on and tried not to force a bottle a bleach down my throat.
The Gist: A former special operations soldier finds himself once again fighting for his life after he is transported to another land and ends up in the middle of a war between two factions. This time he’ll have to trade his guns in for a sword and shield.
The Cast: While I am usually the first person to get in line for a new Dolph Lundgren movie, there was a lot of concern from me when I saw him signing on to this Uwe Boll film. Let’s be clear, Uwe Boll is a hack. That dude is a real piece of shit and the first In the Name of the King wasn’t exactly a classic. The best thing about Dolph here is that he is believable as a retired badass. I haven’t seen him move so poorly in a film before and after doing some journalistic shit I found that Dolph was actually suffering from an injury sustained on set. That explains the way he moves in the fight scenes but nothing could explain how this movie got made in the first place.
The Villain: Spoiler Alert: Lochlyn Munro isn’t the good king he is leading us to believe. My 1 year old son could see that coming. Munro should probably be sticking to films where he pretends to be killed off screen and not try to do anything with lines or interaction with non-CGI plantlife. His performance is one that would get booed at a Renaissance Festival with free turkey legs for everyone. My favorite non-lead actor definitely had a hole in her nose from her removed nose ring. It is all very sad to see Uwe Boll’s vision for this alternate world.
The Action: Even though Dolph moves like a 75 year old man he still isn’t the worst part about the action that fills the screen. There is a scene early on where he is teaching a martial arts class to children by having a few guys attack him with baseball bats. I can think of nothing more relevant for 8 year olds to learn other than “how to defend from baseball bat wielding adults”. I have yet to find any evidence that Uwe Boll can actually make a decent movie and this is the kind of crap which normally spells the end of a series but there is at least one other In the Name of the King film and like this series Uwe Boll’s career is just as un-killable. May God have mercy on all of us.
The Verdict: Treat this movie like the plague. If you enjoyed the first film then you are probably already “off your rocker” a bit or maybe you just like to “medicate” a little more than the average person so you might actually have fun with this flick but otherwise you’ll be sorely disappointed by this film. I will always give Dolph the benefit of the doubt but shit like this needs to be buried in the neighbors yard like a dog turd.
