Bullet Points: Mortal Kombat: Annihilation

Mortal Kombat was a ground breaking video game way back in the day. Many a controller was broken and countless holes were put in my bedroom wall during my afternoon-long sessions with my friends. The sheer violence of the original games were so unique at that time that a young Chad was mesmerized by the cartoonish brutality of the fighting game. All of that being said, Mortal Kombat seemed ripe for a theatrical interpretation. Sadly, the film that we were given lacked many of the things that created such a love in the game franchise. It was no surprise to me when the sequel to the movie veered even further into the realm of “wtf is this shit?”

Tournament Style: Fighting video games like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter have used the tournament style gimmick, which makes it very easy while playing to see where you stand. That style has not played out as well when it comes to the films that have followed. Might I suggest the film makers watch BPA favorite Bloodsport. That is how you make a tournament style fighting film.

Southern Comfort: Khan’s invasion had to have been concentrated on the East or West Coast because I just don’t see his strategy working in the Midwest or the Deep South. You really think that your ninjas are gonna fight against a bunch of rednecks and their endless gun collections? You must be out yo damn mind! Those boys down south will just be hanging out on the porch waiting for one of your centaurs to show up so they can mount that bitch on their wall.

Make up Your Mind Raden: Rayden tells Liu Kang to “Seek out Nightwolf” but then he tells him that Nightwolf will find him. Shouldn’t he have just told him to hang out and wait for Nightwolf to come to him? If I were Liu Kang, I would have had some questions for ole Rayden.

Sub-Long: Why does Sub-Zero look like Justin Long?

Ray Park: This was Ray Park’s first feature film. You will remember him as Darth Maul and as Toad in the first X-Men movie. Park would play the stunt double for Rayden in this film.

That’s Harassment Bro: Everyone really wanted to bang Jade. She needs to contact the Human Resources department about that stuff.

American Gladiators: The actors who played Jax and the centaur dude were both members of the later seasons of American Gladiators.

Sorry Johnny: This film really makes Johnny Cage out to be a sissy even after he defeated Goro in the first film.

The Verdict: The first Mortal Kombat film is nowhere near a masterpiece and this sequel is the disgusting afterbirth of that first one. Several of the actors declined to return and we’re left with a film that feels more like a TV show than a feature film. This movie only works as an attempt to fit as many characters from the games into the film as possible. Maybe instead of adding crap characters that no one cares about they could have shown Liu Kang with a sweet training montage. Liu learning his animality in less than 3 minutes is an absolute debacle. Skip it.