Bullet Points: Late Phases

I don’t spend a lot of time watching horror films. I remember as a kid going to see Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday and not only was it not the final film in the franchise but it also scared the shit out my 9 year old self. The fact that I was in the theater with my 11 year old brother without an adult is the least wrongful thing about the story but listening to the crowd in that darkened theater make that *chit-chit-chit-chaaaa* sound sent me into a frightened frenzy in which the world hasn’t seen since 93′. Lucky for me, I didn’t stay a pussy forever and am now a certified badass.

So it should be clear to you now that I’m not scared of anything, especially a movie with a werewolf eating a bunch of dogs and attacking old ladies. It was for that reason that I took it upon myself to surround my comfy chair with different meats and animal urine and await my own opportunity to smack the taste out of a werewolf’s mouth while watching Late Phases.

Synopsis: Retired Vietnam vet and blind badass Ambrose McKinley (Nick Damici) moves into a small retirement community just when things start to get weird. A string of animal attacks turns out to be a werewolf running amok and it is up to Ambrose to blindly swing a shovel around until the werewolf is dead. It seems like plan destined to work.

• Blind Gun Ownership: There may be no other movie in history that so flawlessly argues the need for blind people to own handguns.
• Why Wait?: Unlike most werewolf or monster movies Late Phases doesn’t take its time with the reveal of the monster. You’ll get a good look at the hairy beast early and often. I see that as a very good thing. Especially when a blind guy is trying to shoot it.

• Kind of a Jerk: Ambrose can be kind of a dick to people sometimes but it’s still a very unsettling situation when he’s trying to decide which headstone to buy from himself. I felt bad for at least 30 seconds.
• Let there be Light: Throughout the film, Ambrose, despite being totally blind, continues to turn the lights in his house on and off as he moves through the rooms.
• Worse than the Ferguson PD: The deputies that check on brutal animal and old lady attacks are possibly the worst in the history of law enforcement. I would actually like to see them get body cameras so it can be made into a reality show about the dumbest cops alive.

Unless it’s a full moon outside, I recommend you stick around to read these extra Bullet Points.

• The final assault by the creatures on Ambrose’s house was somewhat of a surprise to me. It was way cooler than I expected and the perfect ending to a really solid film.
• Erin Cummings plays Anne. She also played the wife of Spartacus on the first couple seasons of the Starz television show and she has a phenomenal body.
• Ethan Embry is in this movie. Ethan Embry is still alive and working folks.

The Verdict: I’ve seen Nick Damici in the sleeper hit Mulberry Street but it’s been years since I watched that and I didn’t even recognize him here as the blind Ambrose. Late Phases rides mostly on the shoulders of Damici as he carries the plot from the very first scenes to the bloody finish. You wouldn’t dare call Damici’s character “disabled”. I’m pretty sure he’d kick your ass if you tried to help him across the street. You’re best bet is to stay clear of the veteran and it was this lack of restraint from the werewolf that caused him to f*ck with the wrong blind guy. The creature designs were not what I expected based on the poster but not necessarily in a bad way. Unlike many low budgeted monster movies, the effects are on full display and you can tell a great deal of care was given towards dumping as much blood on some of the sets as possible. If you’re a fan of Dog Soldiers or WolfCop you should definitely check out Late Phases.